The Lost Garden
This garden that buds and thrives in spring and summer, and ripens in autumn, now stands quiet in the piercing winds. Shallow pond. No sound of water from jumping frogs. In the gray skies, caws a storytelling of ravens. A field of tall grasses, of which I can only name a few - silver feather, little bluestem and purple moor, sway and bend with their last sighs. A white rock, stripped of green moss, juts out from the soil. I look at it; it stares back at me, without a word. How many times I have come with delight, seeing all the flowers in profusion, trees heavy-laden with apples and berries. How I mesmerize myself with its picturesque landscape while imagining the whereabouts of the gardener whose chair, in this brick-paved corner, remains empty. I wonder if the chair can draw me closer to Basho. A bit hesitant, I walk over and sit down.
In stillness, listen:
a seed cracking in rhythms
underneath the ground.
.
The Lost Garden
Lake
This could be a poem - a quick rework below. See what you think, it might need a bit more polishing
The Lost Garden
This garden that buds in spring
and ripens in autumn,
stands quiet in the piercing wind.
No sound of water from jumping frogs.
In gray skies, a storytelling of ravens caw.
A field of tall grasses, of which I can name a few;
silver feather, little bluestem and purple moor,
sway and bend with their last sighs.
A white rock, stripped of green moss,
stares back at me, silent.
How many times I have come with delight,
smelled the floral profusion,
trees heavy-laden with apples and berries.
How I mesmerize myself with its landscape
imagining the whereabouts of the gardener;
his chair, in this brick-paved corner, remains empty.
I wonder if the chair can draw me closer to Basho.
I walk over and sit down.
In stillness, listen:
a seed cracking in rhythms
underneath the ground
This could be a poem - a quick rework below. See what you think, it might need a bit more polishing
The Lost Garden
This garden that buds in spring
and ripens in autumn,
stands quiet in the piercing wind.
No sound of water from jumping frogs.
In gray skies, a storytelling of ravens caw.
A field of tall grasses, of which I can name a few;
silver feather, little bluestem and purple moor,
sway and bend with their last sighs.
A white rock, stripped of green moss,
stares back at me, silent.
How many times I have come with delight,
smelled the floral profusion,
trees heavy-laden with apples and berries.
How I mesmerize myself with its landscape
imagining the whereabouts of the gardener;
his chair, in this brick-paved corner, remains empty.
I wonder if the chair can draw me closer to Basho.
I walk over and sit down.
In stillness, listen:
a seed cracking in rhythms
underneath the ground
Hi Elphin,
Sorry for my late response. My schedule is messed up recently.
Thank you for your read and polish. I've noticed the changes you've made, and will take time to digest.
See, isn't it something -- when I write a poem, it sounds like a prose; when I write a prose, it can be rewritten as a poem. Actually, I intended to write this as a Haibun, a prose + a haiku. Don't know if it worked.
Anyway, I'll read your suggestions carefully. I especially liked your rewrite smelled the floral profusion and some trims.
Many thanks,
Lake
Sorry for my late response. My schedule is messed up recently.
Thank you for your read and polish. I've noticed the changes you've made, and will take time to digest.
See, isn't it something -- when I write a poem, it sounds like a prose; when I write a prose, it can be rewritten as a poem. Actually, I intended to write this as a Haibun, a prose + a haiku. Don't know if it worked.
Anyway, I'll read your suggestions carefully. I especially liked your rewrite smelled the floral profusion and some trims.
Many thanks,
Lake
Lake
Sorry if I missed the point that it was a hai ban -I'm not overly familiar with that format. May be an idea for you to mess around with it so you are happy and post it as a poem as well and see what the reaction is.
Elphin
Sorry if I missed the point that it was a hai ban -I'm not overly familiar with that format. May be an idea for you to mess around with it so you are happy and post it as a poem as well and see what the reaction is.
Elphin