soup of the day
Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:54 pm
Soup of the Day
Prunella lay in bed that night and dreamt of only one thing, she
didn't want to have breasts like Jordan, hers were small but
friendly and they never once complained, no, nor did she want
Carol Vordermans amazing ability to get 671 from 10,25,75,8,9
and 3.
Prunella knew how to count when she needed to, so whilst
admiring Carols gift on Countdown, she never once craved her
numerical jiggery-pokkery, she did however, wish she owned some
of Carol’s gorgeous outfits, and she did sometimes think that it
would be nice if she could have her hair (and make-up) done
the way Carol sometimes had hers done, and if maybe she had
one? or say two pairs? of Carols fabby shoes that she would
allow herself a little smile. But other than these tiny, but
very desirable goodies, Prunella didn't particularly like
Carol, too much exposure, everywhere you looked she seemed to
be grinning back at you, only the other day when Prunella was
making the tea she opened a tin of spaghetti hoops, she could
have sworn that when the saucy circles had settled into the bottom of
the pot, a perfect image of Carols face beamed up at her, Prunella
quickly put the pot on the highest gas mark available (no.9) to
free herself from that mathematical puzzle that stared up at
her.
No, Prunella lay in bed, her husband Alcedo snoring like a
weasel with a giraffes tongue next to her and thought about the
competition-
She smiled and sighed, she clenched her fist and raised it
above her head like a winning boxer,
" This time, this time it's mine! " she whispered before
bringing down her fist and giving Alcedo a straight right to
the back of his head,
" AHHH...!" cried Alcedo rubbing the back of his head, licking
his lips with his giant giraffes tongue, scratching his
posterior then shouting out in his slumbering state,
" Don't order the swordfish! "
Prunella rolled onto her side and smiled,
" This time " she whispered and she too closed her eyes and began to
snore.
Prunella owned a take-away shop,' Bake it or Sleeve It' making
sandwiches, soups etc, she also took in small sewing and needle-
work alterations. Every year Prunella would enter ‘The Soup of
The Day Competition’ run by The Edinburgh Evening News, a
competition to find the best tasting soup made in Edinburgh’s
take-away shops, the winner not only getting a financial
reward, but, and this was what Prunella really wanted, a chance
to have the big shiny silver cup displayed in her window for
the next year.
Prunellas special soup was, ‘Lentil and Orange Rind Treat’.This
was a recipe passed down from her mother, Certhia, who in turn
had had it also passed down from her mother, Sylvia, who in
turn had had, well anyway, let's just say it was an old family
favourite.
Prunellas children, Fringilla and Corvus were both big fans of
the soup and they would often go off to school on a lovely hot bowl
of it. Prunnella worked hard in her shop, she put her heart into every slice of buttered bread and her soul into every tray of carrot cake she made.
But Prunella had a problem, every year she entered the
competition, and this would be her fourteenth attempt to win
the prize, she had been pipped at the post by Lanius, who owned
‘Rock'n'Rolls,’ a little sandwich bar that also sold geological
samples or bits of stone as you or I would call them, (someone
had once taken a cheese sandwich, taken a bite from it and
carefully placed it on a little stand in the display cabinet,
between some Amethyst dated 300B.C and a slice of Jade dated
500B.C and attached a sign saying, Sannie, 200B.C.
Lanius made the famous ‘Chicken X’.
His soup was much lauded, his shop was famous and Lanius was a
wealthy man and the shiny silver trophy had its own special
place in his shop window. Sometimes at night Prunella would walk by his
shop and stand and gaze at the trophy, she was a happy woman
and she was content with her lot, she was happy with her size,
not too big, not too small, she was pretty and although she knew
that Alcedo had his finger in quite a few pies, she no longer
worried herself about the games he played, she had two
beautiful children and a lovely house with a front and back
garden.But Prunellas mouth would slowly open and her tongue
would slip forward over her bottom teeth and she would produce
buckets of saliva as she drooled over the cup, often having to
wipe her chin with a towel to hide her eagerness to possess the
silver ornament.
Lanius had won the cup since its introduction, thirteen years
ago, but Lanius was a cheat.
The man who made the final choice on who would receive the cup
was Robin Rubecula, a man who liked his food and it showed in
his rather rotund appearance, but a man who, like most people
liked his food even more if they got it for free, and he
did, every year 'round about competition time Lanius would send
Robin Rubecula a huge food parcel packed with all sorts of
tasty delights for him to sink his big fat teeth into, Chicken
X, short-bread, blancmange, fudge, cream cakes, buns and lots more
sweet fancies, thus assuring that Lanius would retain the cup.
Lanius felt confident that the prize was in the bag this year.
Unfortunately for Lanius, but even more unfortunate for Robin
Rubecula, all that rich and very fattening food that he had
been receiving as a little sweetener, turned out to be just a
little too sweet, resulting in Robin Rubecula collapsing and
dying whilst trying to run and catch a No.32 bus which would
have taken him down to the Ocean Terminal so that he could
return a copy of Carol Vordermans latest keep fit/garden/house
makeover/antiques from under your sink d.v.d.
A new judge was called in, Larus Canus, a local fishmonger with
over sixty years experience of all things briney. Lanius sent
Larus Canus a big hamper a week before the competition day, but
Larus Canus returned it with a note thanking him but thought it
would be inappropriate for the judge to accept such a
gift. Lanius read the note, slowly walked over to the display
cabinet and carefully selected a good hand sized piece of
300B.C Chalcedony (agate: semi-pellucid gem) and proceeded to
throw it through the shop window.
The day of the competition arrived, Prunella was nervous,
Alcedo tried to comfort his wife,
" Relax Pru, it's your year, the cup must be yours this time,
do we have any Paracetamol? I have a splitting headache! "
Robin Rubecula had tasted all the soups, he had thinned all the
entries down to the last two,Prunellas Lentil and Orange Rind
Treat and Lanius’s Chicken X. The Usher Hall audience was hushed,
Robin slipped the spoon into Prunellas offering, he raised it
to his lips, sniffed, opened his mouth and let it run onto his
tongue, he rolled the soup around in his mouth, slurping and
licking and sucking his teeth before swallowing with closed
eyes. He repeated this with Chicken X.
Lanius looked over at Prunella, his top lip curled up and he
snarled.
Robin Rubecula looked down at the two bowls on the table before
him, he looked out at the silent crowd, shielding his eyes from
the glare of the spotlights, he reached down and picking up a
bowl, he held it above his head like a priest saying mass and
shouted,
" By God it's got to be the Lentil and Orange Rind Treat! "
THE END.
Prunella lay in bed that night and dreamt of only one thing, she
didn't want to have breasts like Jordan, hers were small but
friendly and they never once complained, no, nor did she want
Carol Vordermans amazing ability to get 671 from 10,25,75,8,9
and 3.
Prunella knew how to count when she needed to, so whilst
admiring Carols gift on Countdown, she never once craved her
numerical jiggery-pokkery, she did however, wish she owned some
of Carol’s gorgeous outfits, and she did sometimes think that it
would be nice if she could have her hair (and make-up) done
the way Carol sometimes had hers done, and if maybe she had
one? or say two pairs? of Carols fabby shoes that she would
allow herself a little smile. But other than these tiny, but
very desirable goodies, Prunella didn't particularly like
Carol, too much exposure, everywhere you looked she seemed to
be grinning back at you, only the other day when Prunella was
making the tea she opened a tin of spaghetti hoops, she could
have sworn that when the saucy circles had settled into the bottom of
the pot, a perfect image of Carols face beamed up at her, Prunella
quickly put the pot on the highest gas mark available (no.9) to
free herself from that mathematical puzzle that stared up at
her.
No, Prunella lay in bed, her husband Alcedo snoring like a
weasel with a giraffes tongue next to her and thought about the
competition-
She smiled and sighed, she clenched her fist and raised it
above her head like a winning boxer,
" This time, this time it's mine! " she whispered before
bringing down her fist and giving Alcedo a straight right to
the back of his head,
" AHHH...!" cried Alcedo rubbing the back of his head, licking
his lips with his giant giraffes tongue, scratching his
posterior then shouting out in his slumbering state,
" Don't order the swordfish! "
Prunella rolled onto her side and smiled,
" This time " she whispered and she too closed her eyes and began to
snore.
Prunella owned a take-away shop,' Bake it or Sleeve It' making
sandwiches, soups etc, she also took in small sewing and needle-
work alterations. Every year Prunella would enter ‘The Soup of
The Day Competition’ run by The Edinburgh Evening News, a
competition to find the best tasting soup made in Edinburgh’s
take-away shops, the winner not only getting a financial
reward, but, and this was what Prunella really wanted, a chance
to have the big shiny silver cup displayed in her window for
the next year.
Prunellas special soup was, ‘Lentil and Orange Rind Treat’.This
was a recipe passed down from her mother, Certhia, who in turn
had had it also passed down from her mother, Sylvia, who in
turn had had, well anyway, let's just say it was an old family
favourite.
Prunellas children, Fringilla and Corvus were both big fans of
the soup and they would often go off to school on a lovely hot bowl
of it. Prunnella worked hard in her shop, she put her heart into every slice of buttered bread and her soul into every tray of carrot cake she made.
But Prunella had a problem, every year she entered the
competition, and this would be her fourteenth attempt to win
the prize, she had been pipped at the post by Lanius, who owned
‘Rock'n'Rolls,’ a little sandwich bar that also sold geological
samples or bits of stone as you or I would call them, (someone
had once taken a cheese sandwich, taken a bite from it and
carefully placed it on a little stand in the display cabinet,
between some Amethyst dated 300B.C and a slice of Jade dated
500B.C and attached a sign saying, Sannie, 200B.C.
Lanius made the famous ‘Chicken X’.
His soup was much lauded, his shop was famous and Lanius was a
wealthy man and the shiny silver trophy had its own special
place in his shop window. Sometimes at night Prunella would walk by his
shop and stand and gaze at the trophy, she was a happy woman
and she was content with her lot, she was happy with her size,
not too big, not too small, she was pretty and although she knew
that Alcedo had his finger in quite a few pies, she no longer
worried herself about the games he played, she had two
beautiful children and a lovely house with a front and back
garden.But Prunellas mouth would slowly open and her tongue
would slip forward over her bottom teeth and she would produce
buckets of saliva as she drooled over the cup, often having to
wipe her chin with a towel to hide her eagerness to possess the
silver ornament.
Lanius had won the cup since its introduction, thirteen years
ago, but Lanius was a cheat.
The man who made the final choice on who would receive the cup
was Robin Rubecula, a man who liked his food and it showed in
his rather rotund appearance, but a man who, like most people
liked his food even more if they got it for free, and he
did, every year 'round about competition time Lanius would send
Robin Rubecula a huge food parcel packed with all sorts of
tasty delights for him to sink his big fat teeth into, Chicken
X, short-bread, blancmange, fudge, cream cakes, buns and lots more
sweet fancies, thus assuring that Lanius would retain the cup.
Lanius felt confident that the prize was in the bag this year.
Unfortunately for Lanius, but even more unfortunate for Robin
Rubecula, all that rich and very fattening food that he had
been receiving as a little sweetener, turned out to be just a
little too sweet, resulting in Robin Rubecula collapsing and
dying whilst trying to run and catch a No.32 bus which would
have taken him down to the Ocean Terminal so that he could
return a copy of Carol Vordermans latest keep fit/garden/house
makeover/antiques from under your sink d.v.d.
A new judge was called in, Larus Canus, a local fishmonger with
over sixty years experience of all things briney. Lanius sent
Larus Canus a big hamper a week before the competition day, but
Larus Canus returned it with a note thanking him but thought it
would be inappropriate for the judge to accept such a
gift. Lanius read the note, slowly walked over to the display
cabinet and carefully selected a good hand sized piece of
300B.C Chalcedony (agate: semi-pellucid gem) and proceeded to
throw it through the shop window.
The day of the competition arrived, Prunella was nervous,
Alcedo tried to comfort his wife,
" Relax Pru, it's your year, the cup must be yours this time,
do we have any Paracetamol? I have a splitting headache! "
Robin Rubecula had tasted all the soups, he had thinned all the
entries down to the last two,Prunellas Lentil and Orange Rind
Treat and Lanius’s Chicken X. The Usher Hall audience was hushed,
Robin slipped the spoon into Prunellas offering, he raised it
to his lips, sniffed, opened his mouth and let it run onto his
tongue, he rolled the soup around in his mouth, slurping and
licking and sucking his teeth before swallowing with closed
eyes. He repeated this with Chicken X.
Lanius looked over at Prunella, his top lip curled up and he
snarled.
Robin Rubecula looked down at the two bowls on the table before
him, he looked out at the silent crowd, shielding his eyes from
the glare of the spotlights, he reached down and picking up a
bowl, he held it above his head like a priest saying mass and
shouted,
" By God it's got to be the Lentil and Orange Rind Treat! "
THE END.
