server-room guy

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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nar
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Wed Jul 21, 2010 12:40 pm

SELECT tee_shirt FROM drawer
WHERE last_washed IS NOT NULL
AND logo LIKE '%Zepp%'


Riddled with technology,
and Faded Black (the new Black),
behold server-room guy.

He hides behind logins,
and super-accounts;
a bug-eyed techno-deity.

Today, he shall housekeep
mailfiles and network shares;
everyone was warned.

Ipod and accidental pony-tail in place,
and supping a fourth espresso,
he calmly pecks his DELETE key.

My work-life balance topples,
links estrange and threads unfurl;
free space replaces free time.

Overtime quota in-place,
and satisfied with disc-optimisation;
he cringes once more from the evening sunlight.


Public Procedure get_home (self as char)
..........dim busqueue as long
..........SLEEP = TRUE
End Procedure


- Neil
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
arunansu
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Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:56 pm

Wow, the first of a tech poem, Neil? Smiles. I loved how you've used an SQL command in the beginning. Yes, we ARE being too mechanical, aren't we? BTW, your son looks like a genius in the picture! Lol.

He hides behind logins,
and super-accounts;
a bug-eyed techno-deity.

- My fav lines.

Loved the ending too. :wink:
Ros
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Wed Jul 21, 2010 3:12 pm

Enjoyed this a lot, Neil :D

Ros
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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Arian
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Wed Jul 21, 2010 6:57 pm

Hi Neil

I confess I started reading this with a sense of trepidation, a sort of ghastly deja vu, after the mind-numbingly awful technical tour de forces of the now long-gone (I hope) LaMinh (over a year ago now, I think).

But I was pleasantly surprised. I think this is nicely written and enjoyable, with no little wit and invention. I spent a bit of time trying to decide whether you get away with the switch between third and first person (s6), and decided you do. It works.

Good stuff
peter
David
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Wed Jul 21, 2010 7:17 pm

Yep, good stuff Neil, but I thought at first that the whole poem was going to be like the first stanza. Now that would be something to behold. What we have is fun and enjoyable - and I'm a great fan of enjoyable fun - but that would have been spectacular.

Any chance?

Cheers

David
Arian
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Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:34 pm

David wrote:I thought at first that the whole poem was going to be like the first stanza. Any chance?
That was precisely what I was afraid we were going to get - LeMinh II.

David perhaps liked his stuff, but - sorry - I thought it was unmitigated, meaningless twaddle.

Happy to be a lone voice on this, though.

Cheers
peter
Last edited by Arian on Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
dogofdiogenes
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Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:37 pm

calmly pecking the delete key-ooooh-I love that bit.

Are you of an age to remember Professor Yaffle? I had a vivid image of something clockwork....showing my age

jacq :?
I never give explanations-Mary Poppins (Management in the NHS-rewritten by Nightingale F,. original by Hunt,.G)
David
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Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:09 pm

Arian wrote:
David wrote:I thought at first that the whole poem was going to be like the first stanza. Any chance?
That was precisely what I was afraid we were going to get - LeMinh II.

David perhaps liked his stuff, but - sorry - I thought it was unmitigated, meaningless twaddle.

Happy to be a lone voice on this, though.

Cheers
peter
Ah, now, I don't want to vilify LeMinh retrospectively, particularly as you're making such a good job of it yourself, Peter, but I thought Neil's first stanza had a humour and wry self-awareness that I don't remember being one of LM's defining characteristics. Quite a different thing.
Arian
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Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:29 pm

David wrote:Ah, now, I don't want to vilify LeMinh retrospectively
Can't see why not, David. If anything deserves retrospective vilification, it's his work. Unfortunately, you're hampered by being pleasant and a gentleman. Luckily, I suffer from neither disability.
I thought Neil's first stanza had a humour and wry self-awareness
True, true.
that I don't remember being one of LM's defining characteristics.
Again, true.

Stiil, I think Neil's got it about right, as it is.

Cheers
peter
Last edited by Arian on Thu Jul 22, 2010 6:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.
nar
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Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:53 am

Thanks, everyone.

Aru: Thanks, friend. I'm glad you liked it. It's not a clear picture in my avatar, but my baby is a little girl ;) .

Jacq: Yeah, I was scared of Prof Yaffle when I was a wee boy; found him a bit creepy.

Peter / David: My original plan was to write this all as code, using different programming languages. However, it became clear that I didn't have either the writing-skills or pregramming knowledge to do so :x . I think it could be extended to include more code-blocks, however I can't see an easy way to tell the story in code without it all becoming messy and contrived. I think it might also lose some of it's humour if I tried. There are only so many puns available. I've already taken a few liberties with the accuracy/syntax of the code ;). I'll defo have a think about the comments you've both made... they may not be incompatible.

Cheers again.

- Neil.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
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