ennui and inexperience

[dogdaysinsoho]

The horizon of this hour shrinks to a full stop.
They say that to write, you must have experience,
Must shop around - not just in the busy, stop-motion
World of words - but in the endless, ever winding,
Markets of past, present and future endeavours;
Pit-falls, pleasures, and transient weathers.

But this is not my method, you see -
So it is to me the ink flows never easily.
From a sprawling repose, I've dithered nightly
As the moon rose; not for gold or silver,
But a sliver; colourless crescent of a thumbnail,
Gaze drawn inside the magnetic pale,
Every idle second sidling by another coffin nail,
And from under the earth comes the wail
(a grandfather wot knew Dylan Thomas well):
"Damn her to hell; rhapsodizing on the moon -
That'll never sell."

[Ros]

Ah, it never sells
Welcome to PG, dogdays - do you have a name you'd like us to use? Enjoyed your poem - nice rhythm and sense of humour. You've just got time to enter our food comp, if you'd like!

Ros

[dogdaysinsoho]

Howdy, Ros! Oooh, in the spirit of comradeship then, we will go with E. Cicily, Esquire. Nah, but really - just plain Cicily does me fine. Thank you for your kind words re. my poem...thought I'd put it forward as a sort of poetic guinea pig, as it were! Been meaning to post my poetic dronings somewhere for years so's to try and garner some con crit for my scrawlings - just never quite chalked up the bollocks for it until now!

Which food competition's that, then? *potters off to look in the forum*

Cicily

[Sharra]

Welcome to PG Cicily
I enjoyed this one too - especially that first line, what a great opening.
Sharra
x

[KevJ]

Very good first post. Enjoyed the rhythm and the humour. Welcome aboard.

[Nash]

Hello Cicily,

I'll agree with everyone else, a really good first post (and quite a fitting one too!).

The only place I stumbled was on S2 L2, the language here seemed a little awkward to me.

Very enjoyable though and I look forward to reading more.

[Arian]

I'll join the general applause for this as a first post, and I agrre with Nicky about the first line. Very good. There's also some very nice rhythm and understated rhyming going on. Not sure I liked "wot", which seemed to trivialise, or at least undermine, the language of the rest of it.

Still, good stuff, and welcome.

peter

[gavin]

Dogdaysinsoho

Only one crit capitals at the start of each line
Just laziness,

In the second verse
One is getting ink from Pavlov’s dog each time he salivates((((in other words thoughts)))))))))))
Very nice piece of writing,

[John G]

Hello there - like the name "Dogdaysinsoho" - I had many of them when I worked there.

Bit to the poem - enjoyed the read - flowed really well and some nice lines and images.

Markets of past, present and future endeavours;
Pit-falls, pleasures, and transient weathers.

however I do have two nits - the first is capitals - which is a personal opinion - but Im not a great fan of all liens startign with capitals.
and rhyming at the end of each lines is ok but on some occasion I feel that can be forced to fit with the poem and sometimes this distracts form the over all poem. But as I said these nits are mere personal opinion but over all thumbs up an welcome.