Liverpool Soap Opera 9

[Denis Joe]

“Have you got a few of your people or are
they like the Liverpool fans, turn up at the last minute?”

[tab][/tab][Lord Justice Stuart-Smith to a bereaved father]


[tab]..........[/tab]the cheap branding of
[tab].....[/tab]to know that so many lives were
[tab][/tab]a nightmare from which there could
have been held up to the light

[tab]..........[/tab]the cheap branding of
[tab].....[/tab]screamed to the heavens against
[tab][/tab]this horror created by
the police[tab][/tab] say [tab][/tab]that a gate

[tab]..........[/tab]the cheap branding of
[tab].....[/tab]a mob clearly tanked up had
[tab][/tab]some fans beat up a pc?
dr. slater lay in wait

[tab]..........[/tab]the cheap branding of
[tab].....[/tab]why they were stolen and by
[tab][/tab]whom [tab][/tab]remains unanswered [tab][/tab]is
an enigmatic concept

[tab]..........[/tab]the cheap branding of
[tab].....[/tab]casual almost flippant
[tab][/tab]worse [tab][/tab]an error of judgement
is realised in the state

[benjamin]

I'm sorry but you should really focus on making your language more vivid and less dull before you do any sort of weird experiment with punctuation. There's nothing in here that shows me anything.

[Elphin]

I disagree benjamin

I have read this 5/6 or 7 times in the course of fifteen minutes and its because I wanted to delve deeper. I see the references to Hillsborough and to Liverpool stereotypes and that ties neatly to the opening quotation.

I think the repitition works well - format is original - subtle rhyming of last lines.

elph

[Mr Black]

?

[brianedwards]

I disagree with benjamin too, at least I think I disagree because I'm not entirely sure I understand his point . . . anyway, the poem: very good, except perhaps the last strophe? cheap/casual/flippant/worse/error in judgement - it all becomes a bit too emotive here?

Good to read you again Denis.

B.

[Denis Joe]

Thanks for the feedback. Brian you are spot on. That said, I hummed and haahed over this because the lines of this poem are taken from witness statements given to the enquiry into the Hillborough Disater.

I've never attempted a 'found poem' before though I've loved Charles Reznikoff's 'found poems' for a long while.

I guess that to some this might seem easy to do seeing as the words are already there. I found it extremely difficult. Admitedly that may have something to do with fitting the piece into an actual form but I also looked at a freer approach and it didn't make sense. I'll be interested to hear what others say. i don't think that I'll attempt another 'found poem' for a long while yet.

Many thanks guys!

[Arian]

it all becomes a bit too emotive here?

Poetry can be "too emotive"? Christ, and here I am, all these years, thinking that that was its very point! Sentimental no, emotive yes. Oh well, one lives and learns.

As to the piece, Sorry DJ, not my bag. Unlike B., whose opinion I respect by the way, I found nothing in it, except statement. Cerainly nothing poetic, or even slightly emotive, presented itself to this ear. But this is probably unfair, as found poems, like villanelles, sestinas and pretty much every other form of formulaic construction, strike me (I have no poetic soul, however) as completely bereft of communicative merit.

Sorry, just the view of a (very) lone voice.

Cheers
peter

[Arian]

PS...you may have intended them, but to me the dots are a distraction. Do you realise you can (sort of) supress them by colouring them as the background? It helps the reader.

[Denis Joe]

PS...you may have intended them, but to me the dots are a distraction. Do you realise you can (sort of) supress them by colouring them as the background? It helps the reader.

Thanks Mate!

I would never have thought of that.

This is how it should look. I call the form dunmono which translates as 'step-type' in Japanese. The form is loosely based on traditional music.

[ray miller]

The astonishing thing, for me, is that a judge actually made that remark.And that I'd not come across it before. I can see why this may not resonate much with Benjamin on t'other side of atlantic. I liked it though, and I'm not a fan of this kind of found poetry, but this is well put together and sort of mirrors the bewilderment many people experience in a court of law. I liked Dr Slater lay in wait.

[Denis Joe]

The astonishing thing, for me, is that a judge actually made that remark.

Sadly, I no longer find it suprising. I think the same contemptuous sentiment has become common coinage in Britain these days, even in the so-called liberal press like the Guardian.

[k-j]

Good piece this. The cutup style works well here; actually I think you could go much further with it. Maybe mix in some other sources - contemporary newspaper reporting? The Taylor rpt? On the other hand there is a purity about it as it is.

Don't think much of the title though.

[delph_ambi]

I didn't think the ending 'too emotive'; I thought it perfectly pitched.

Yes, 'found poetry' is surprisingly difficult to write well, but this is excellent. Worked for me, though I'd agree with k-j that the title isn't great. I don't have an alternative suggestion, I'm afraid.

[brianedwards]

But this is probably unfair, as found poems, like villanelles, sestinas and pretty much every other form of formulaic construction, strike me (I have no poetic soul, however) as completely bereft of communicative merit.

How odd.

[John G]

I good piece and the layout benfits from the removal of the ...........

yeah, can't add much which hasnt already been said. Enjoyed

Aslo, wasn;t reall yaware of "found poetry" but havign read up on it is something that appeals - it sounds something like "flarf" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flarf_poetry poetry which I havealso just stumbled on.

[David]

Yes, nice work, Denis. Is this one you've performed in and around the city? It would be difficult to do it justice off the written page, I'd have thought, but it must strike a chord.

Cheers

David

[Denis Joe]

Is this one you've performed in and around the city? It would be difficult to do it justice off the written page, I'd have thought, but it must strike a chord.

I havn't read it out yet though that was a consideration when i was putting it together. I'll find out pretty soon.

A couple of people have mentioned the title and I suppose that it does sound trite. I used that title as part of a series in order to build up the form to a structure that I was happy with. It also serves me in that it means that I remain focused by restricting how I approach a poem. I've done a few series of poems in the past and have found that the restrictions are a great help.

Soap Operas are not the greatest of literature but they do tend to focus on the drama of life. Over the past couple of decades, in Britain, there has been a tendancy towards 'issues' in soap operas and some government department have suggested situations especially to those soaps on government sponsered TV, The BBC.

For me it is not the 'issue' in a poem, but what actually works that is important. Though, of course, my narratives will, generally reflect my prejudices.

But that is just the way I work!

Thanks folks.