failed suicide X3

[Mr Black]

?

[arunansu]

Love the humour in the first two strophes. I'm a bit thick in understanding as to why there should be "seventy two" virgins, pardon me. Smiles.

[Arian]

why there should be "seventy two" virgins, pardon me. Smiles.

I think, aru, it's the number of virgins that Islam promises awaits martyrs in paradise.

I quite like this MrB. A good idea, with a nicely dark humour to it. The stream-of-cosnciousness approach is well executed.

I presume that, in saying "the bloody thing doesn't work" the N is referring to the bomb device, not the promise of virgins (which I thought he meant at first). After all, he's not dead yet, so the promise may still be true.

Interesting.
Cheers
peter

[Nino]

Mr. Black

Thank you for sharing. Made me laugh, you maneged to turn such a grim subject into humor.
I still think the whole first stanza can be scratched off and rewritten.
Your poem becomes alive from S2.
Good job.
Nino

[Elphin]

Good to meet you mr. b

Enjoyed this - humorously dark. Maybe italicise Bus replacement service so that it's more obviously the sign.

Cheers

Elph

[Meesha]

Hmmm! There are times when ask myself is what I'm reading a poem or just witty lines.
I think the later here.

Check your line sequence as they don't logically follow to me.

M

[David]

S1 and S3 are my favourites. I think S2 needs a bit more oomph.

Cheers

David

[Mr Black]

Thanks everyone. I thought I'd try my hand at writing some haikus. Whilst they share the same theme they are separate pieces. I tried writing about waterfalls and birds but it didn't come out that way. Just a bit of fun.

[Meesha]

But these are Senryū, MB, as they contain humanistic elements. Btw, S3, L1, has 6 sylls.

Maybe you should throw those virgins into a volcano where they belong LOL

the bloody things do not work
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

M

[brianedwards]

Btw, S3, L1, has 6 sylls.

And?

Enjoyed these too Mr B. Agree with David that 2 is the weakest.

B.

[ray miller]

Enjoyed this a lot,especially the ending. I don't think you need "sign" at all and I expect you could come up with a better title.

[Mr Black]

Thanks for the heads up Meesha.