Picture White

[clarabow]

(from the Love Poems of Percy Bush...)

I picture you on zinc white snow
against an argent sky with tinges
of purple lake. You will be mute,
in lamp black - like a brooding Heathcliff.
She mixes

a rock face rises from the plain,
a monochrome of still and quiet.
A path; a house, a door and window,
the walls are painted raw sienna
the only splash of solid colour;
the rest - brows of white & grey
are framed.

Can I request ten charcoal firs?
And wolves to keep me company
on winter’s lemon night.

No wolves will stalk the monolith.
I mention Monet had a Magpie.
No song comes from the wilderness.
She has a heart of frost and paints
a solitary tree; she thinks
Antibes was painted with just one.
The solitude is killing me.

My hero, she stops, it’s not finished.
Discussion the protagonist of pigment.
So go and take the psychodrama,
the tone will be revealed tomorrow.
 
The fates must rest in fine brush strokes
as art exudes a closed mystique.

Tomorrow can last days or weeks
and months can thaw into spring;
the desolate a state of mind.
Draw her in, I say to myself.

Picasso understood the art
of veiled metaphors - residues
of heartache. His eyes
of ecstasy loved many moods
found in a Geisha or his muse.
But cold white? I feel like the harlequin
in chess board tights.

Fast forward dawn to dusk and back,
I am the judge of my own fears.

There’s snow, a tree, a path and me
in black; and curling from the chimney
grey plumes of smoke. I walk towards
a house, a door is open wide,
at last I see whose house it is
Yes - she says – it’s ours.

[ray miller]

I enjoyed this very much, though I'm probably not appreciating all the nuances - the Picasso verse, for instance, passes me by. But some terrific lines!
I take it Percy Bush is fictional, or a play on Shelley?
lamp black! I love that. And this

its walls are painted raw sienna
the only splash of solid colour.

"Can I request" and "I ask" is a bit tautologous?
This verse is wonderful, I think. I ought to add that I don't even like paintings very much.

No wolves will stalk the monolith.
I mention Monet had a Magpie.
No song comes from the wilderness.
She has a heart of frost and paints
a solitary tree. She thinks
Antibes was painted with just one.
The solitude is killing me.

So go and take the psychodrama, - I like that, as if it were a pill.
It became a bit obscure for my taste at this point but still, the harlequin in chess-board tights is very nice.

[clarabow]

Thanks Ray for the positive feed back. Actually based on a real life couple although, of course, I have deviated from their love story quite a lot, but it is about the love of one's life and how it endures. Shelley would make a good study!

[Sharra]

Clara, I really enjoyed this. There’s some beautiful language in here.
Just a few nits from me…
‘brooding Healthcliff’ feels a little clichéd. You can possibly get away with it but I’m not sure.
I’m not sure about S2 – with the grammar at the mo
‘A path; a house, a door and window,
its walls are painted raw sienna’
the ‘its’ seems to refer to the window. I also think ‘brows of white and grey/are framed’ is a little unclear.
In S3, I’m not sure what you mean by ‘lemon night’.

My only other thought – when I pasted this into word I ended up with a page break after a house, a door is open wide’ and I thought what a great ending it was. Then I saw the last couple of lines. Anyway, it made me wonder if you need those?

A gorgeous write
Nicky
x

[clarabow]

Sharra, thank you. Yes, brooding Mr H, which of course he was. I hope I might just get away with the reference! It does sort of work with lamp black, and again I too wasn't sure about the sequence of words, and if sienna and walls relating back to house worked. Lemon night - bit of a play - bitter - and also in paintings the moon lit snow does take on a yellowish tinge otherwise the white gets lost on the canvass. I hadn't thought of ending it there? I sort of wanted to have a definite end rather than ambiquity as it is the certain against the uncertain tension of the rest? Does that make sense> Will think on brows....