throbbing Saturday

[littlemousie]

Day after day, his illness advanced
until the sadness got his bones,
the time, the days stopped
but not the guilty thoughts,
what else can I do?
I put his name on songs,
and whispered his unfair doom.

Curled up on my hands
for 18 endless miles.
There's nothing else to do, we knew.
I run away from his weak breath
and his wee face in pain.

She sought for his heart,
at last his eyes had seen night.
From shaking hands
and a breaking voice
was handle the last warmth,
I rested him on my lap
for another 18 miles.

He owns our tears
and the silence is still near
we quiet say his name,
he will always be here

[oggiesnr]

I can appreciate the emotions here but I find the lack of accurate spelling (and my apologies if they are intended as a dialect) to be a distraction.

Steve

[TDF]

Welcome to the forum, but also:

viewtopic.php?f=20&t=2605

TDF

[littlemousie]

I can appreciate the emotions here but I find the lack of accurate spelling (and my apologies if they are intended as a dialect) to be a distraction.

Steve

I'm sorry, the truth is English is not my native language but I've been living in an English spoken country and that's the lenguage I've been expresing myself.
I know I've got loads of things to correct yet but thats why I wanted to be part of the forum. Thanks

[Nicky B]

This made me curl inside, the emotion in it is so strong.

But before it can be good you're really going to have to sort out the spelling and stuff.

Good luck! I'm looking forward to seeing more,

Nicky B.

[JohnLott]

Hello littlemousie

What is your 'native' language?

J.

[ray miller]

I don't know about the whole of the poem but "He own our tears" and "we quiet say his name" I found very powerful and moving.

[littlemousie]

Hello littlemousie

What is your 'native' language?

J.

Hi JohnLott

I'm from Argentina, my native language is castellano (spanish)

[littlemousie]

Thank you very much for the comments, I will definitely keep working on it and I'll do my best to improve my spelling.