Imperial War Museum

[TDF]

Perhaps I'll start with the awesome wreck,
the bloodrust carcass of an Iraqi car
that some artist named Deller bought as 'art',
and comment on life imitating...

But I don't want a poem about that.

So maybe I'll talk about the sign
that tells ardent boys not to touch and not to climb
on the shiny toys of war,
and comment on the irony.

But that's not what I want to say either.

Or dare I discuss the holocaust rooms?
With their comprehensive, listed butchery,
tugging on my liberal guilt and empathy,
and ask if they should even be here...

But I don't like that can of worms.

So I think it's best I write about guns,
like the bloody great pair that stand out front.
At 15 inch and a hundred tons
Freud would have a field day.

[oggiesnr]

I've not visited it for many a year but I remember those guns however I'm not sure it works as a pay-off. It comes across as "He who dies with the biggest toys wins" and I'm not sure that's what you want to say either. The first three stanzas are great and set it up but it's a (IMHO) squib at the end, not a 15 inch gun.

Steve

[TDF]

Hi Steve,

Cheers for feedback. This was really just a mind flex, trying to get writing again, and I found the IWM an emotive place as a subject.... I just didn't want to write a moody poem...

That said, I do think the ending is a little cheap... such is the way with poor comedic attempts!

Tom

[Suzanne]

Hi Tom,
Well I don't know the museum and using the big guns would work for me if it was stated differently.
It's a good warm up poem. Welcome.
Suzanne

[David]

So I think it's best I write about guns

Go on then, Tom.

The first three stanzas are just throat-clearing, as you say, but I think that last one would be a very good starting point. Start there. This poem needs to be written. (I have never been to the Imperial War Museum. Worth a visit?)

Cheers

David

[TDF]

So I think it's best I write about guns

Go on then, Tom.

The first three stanzas are just throat-clearing, as you say, but I think that last one would be a very good starting point. Start there. This poem needs to be written. (I have never been to the Imperial War Museum. Worth a visit?)

Cheers

David

Hey David,

Cheers for your thoughts.

IWM is definitely worth a visit, but it certainly had me questioning some of the exhibit choice logic... But I have recently returned to uni, reading War Studies, so perhaps my perception/perspective is different to the 'usual' visitor... But as is the way with museums in general, one really should go to more regardless!

I really want to write this poem too, but am struggling with it. I find the museum interesting for reasons like the ones covered in S1-S3, but quite literally don't want to write that poem. My fear with the S4 tack is the potential disrespect or belittling of the most serious subject of them all. Steve's summation of "he who dies with the biggest guns wins" is very interesting and, whilst arguably correct, is not the tack I want to take either...

So I shall return to the two pages of scribblings I have so far and see if I can fashion something else...

Tom

[terriblefish]

Hey, Tom!
I really enjoyed it! I felt that perhaps the end was a little undeveloped, as a couple of folk said, but it still really works. I felt the message was that 'big guns don't turn little men into heroes" , or something tò that effect ; hence the Freud bombshell (no pun intended) at the end? Either way, felt comfortable with it regards heavy themes. You took those beautifully, felt almost dry, and very British! Don't mention the war! - esque! Loved it dude. Looking forward tò more.

Cheers,

tf

[TDF]

Cheers for positives tf.

'very British', I like that old chap what what?

And the Freud reference was not sposed to be overly clever really, more just a 'men have little penises so make big guns to compensate' jibe...

Tom

[ray miller]

I liked it, Tom.I think I'd like it better if the first three 4 line verses were to lose the last lines, the aside comments etc. Does that make sense? And maybe "tells ardent boys not to touch or climb" would be good for the rhythm.

[Lovely]

TDF brliant.

You have projected feelings beautifully.

Proud to know you really.

REM this would be proud by them.........

I thought I saw you cry...........

Thanks

[Lovely]

The distance of eyes is why she cries to me

[terriblefish]

Thought it was something tò that effect, Tom I had hoped to infer as much myself with the word 'little' but penises is to the point enough! No mince here.

Brilliant.
We should have a pint.

tf

[brahms62]

Right on
Bloody brillig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am going to let my son have a copy if i may?
His is 16 and political; but on saturday afternoons when he was 7,8,9, 10 this place was somewhere to go; he was a chorister in london and saturdays were time out (literally).

[brahms62]

ah sorry for the bad syntax, spelling, grammar in the last post a reply; i am awful tired!!

[JohnLott]

Hello TDF

You have a build up moving through - and you do develop an anticipation.

But then.......

Am I right in thinking the guns out front are Naval?

If that is the case then Freud having a 'Field' day is a visual oxymoron?
and if that holds then my contention that the poem folds in the last S holds.

There was almost great happening but not all will be lost if.......



J.

[Len P]

I like this work just as it is, the last stanza works just fine my liking . It has a satisfying completeness that I enjoyed greatly. My kind of poem

[John G]

A poem that touches on the holocaust and ends with a knob gag (of sorts), I tip my hat to you.