Thermo-couple

[figure eight]

Her house is much colder now he's gone.
She wears his old jumper to bed,
Warmed by the thought, that it’s fibers have caught,
The echoes of things that he said.

I’ll never leave you.
I’ll never go.
My love, I love you,
More than I can show.

And from it’s folds,
He's forever repeating
that ‘April’s too warm
for the central heating’.

[brianedwards]

though?

[RichardSanders]

I like the title. Very inventive. But the poem seems unfinished to me.

[Suzanne]

I like it. It is playful and fun.
Welcome back and i hope you stick around.

Warmly,
Suzanne

[Arian]

Is this really the stuff of the E forum? Blimey. I know we're liberal-minded, but, well...blimey.
Cheers
peter

[David]

Well, I like the first verse, although it needs to repunctuated slightly:

Her house is much colder, now he's gone.
She wears his old jumper to bed,
Warmed by the thought that its fibers have caught
The echoes of things that he said.

If you were to recast the other verses in the same jaunty rhythm, that might be quite good.

Cheers

David

[figure eight]

Sorry Arian,

You are right. Sorry I've not been on the boards for quite some time and have just discovered that there is now a beginners board that might be more suitable. I'm not sure how to move this post to there or delete from this board; perhaps a mod could help?

Looking for advice on improving in general as I've not done this for a while.

[Suzanne]

Ooo good reply 8.

[David]

Duly done, Mr. 8. And I bet you didn't feel a thing.

[Arian]

Sorry Arian,

It's I who should apologise. It's an easy mistake to make. I hope I wasn't rude or abrupt. I was merely a little surprised, and possibly expressed my feelings with too little thought.

For what it's worth, perhaps too late in the day, I agree with David - the first verse is pretty good, if raw, and the rest might work well in the same vein

Cheers
peter

[figure eight]

Thanks David, completely painless.

Peter, don't worry about it. You were right and hopefully I can learn more from this board, while stopping by the experienced board for an occasional look to see who's still on the site from the last time.