To The Tune Of Dream - Xiang Hao

[Lake]

如梦令•谁伴明窗独坐
向滈(宋)

谁伴明窗独坐，和我影儿两个。
灯烬欲眠时，影也把人抛躲。
无那，无那，好个栖惶的我。

To The Tune Of Dream
Xiang Hao (Song)

Who accompanies me sitting alone by the moon-lit window?
It is just two of us, my shadow and I.
As the wick is burnt to ashes, time to go bed,
even the shadow deserts and hides away from me.
Helpless, helpless.
How frightened I am!

.

[JohnLott]

Hello Lake,

I think the first two lines are the start of something good....
but then it whimpers to a halt because of disconnections.

I understand you are translating -and I am not questioning your ability, because the work you have posted over the months has been ace.

Maybe this is not a good poem to choose to apply your skills?



J.

[David]

I have no way of knowing how well you've translated the original, Lake, but I have to agree with John that the first two lines are far better than the rest.

In case it helps, what would a literal - and non-poetic - rendering of the rest of it look like? Knowing that might assist with the making of helpful suggestions.

Cheers

David

[Lake]

Hi John, David,

Thanks for reading.

Blame my skills, John, not the poem. I also translated the poem A Chinese Poem that Dedalus posted, but found his is much better than mine especially in regard to what you said "connections". So I know it is my skills.

David, I think the translation is pretty literal. Maybe it is true sometimes a poem in one language doesn't read as well as in another.

Next time, I'll be careful in selection. Thanks.

Lake

[twoleftfeet]

Hi, Lake

It would be helpful to see the pin-yin.

I'm finding the title difficult to pin down:
To the tune of a dream?
To the tune of dreams?

At this stage, using nothing but guesswork
I would suggest:

To the tune of a dream

Who accompanies me as I sit alone by the moon-lit window?
It is just the two of us, my shadow and I.
Time to go to bed, now that the wick is burnt to ashes :
even my shadow had deserted me and gone into hiding.
What a helpless coward I am!

Geoff

[Lake]

Hi Geoff,

No doubt, your guesswork reads much more smoothly than my literal translation. I noticed the two articles you added and I agree with you. I like your rephrasing, too, though not sure if the last line is exactly what the poet meant.

The poem describes the loneliness and depression(feeling panic and of being dejected) of the poet.

I'll provide the pin yin tomorrow.

Many thanks,

Lake

[Lake]

Here you go, Geoff.

shuí bàn míng chuāng dú zuò, hé wǒ yǐng ér liǎng gè
谁伴明窗独坐， 和我影儿两个。

dēng jìn yù mián shí, yǐing yě bǎ rén pāo duǒ
灯烬欲眠时， 影也把人抛躲。

wú nà wú nà, hǎo gè qī huáng de wǒ
无那，无那， 好个栖惶的我。