Death Horse has no rider-
never breaks its canter,
never shifts its sockets,
lid-less and unrestrained.
Death Horse skin is white-
nostrils steam like feeding-tube air
in a plastic fecal-matter pocket-
undigested oxygen retains.
Death Horse changes height
and shape when inventors have ideas.
Swung, then thrust, now cocked -
irises roll back, blood is finger paint.
The Death Horse
Last edited by pseud on Wed Feb 08, 2006 6:34 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
My God, pseud - Have you been reading the Book of Revelations or drinking absinthe - or both?
You've conjured up a strong image here of the randomness and inevitability of death. The second verse is particularly effective, very visual. But the 'fecal matter-pocket' is the most effective, suggesting the stench of corruption as well as leprous skin.
'Swung, then thrust, now cocked' History of killing in a nutshell.
A pale horse appears, its rider is called Death - Why not kill the rider?
good idea, very good poem.
cheers
You've conjured up a strong image here of the randomness and inevitability of death. The second verse is particularly effective, very visual. But the 'fecal matter-pocket' is the most effective, suggesting the stench of corruption as well as leprous skin.
'Swung, then thrust, now cocked' History of killing in a nutshell.
A pale horse appears, its rider is called Death - Why not kill the rider?
good idea, very good poem.
cheers
-
Ray Trivedi
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Last edited by Ray Trivedi on Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:56 am, edited 1 time in total.
Great work, Pseud, superb 
Thanks. Surprised actually - I thought the rhyme controlled this one a little too much.
Barrie - actually I've had no Revelation or absynth lately. A Native American folktale about a white death horse spawned this, with bloody stripes across its back suggesting a fallen rider.
Barrie - actually I've had no Revelation or absynth lately. A Native American folktale about a white death horse spawned this, with bloody stripes across its back suggesting a fallen rider.
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
-
Ray Trivedi
---
Last edited by Ray Trivedi on Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:57 am, edited 1 time in total.
In the Book of Revelations, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are described - The first, on a white horse, is Conquest and he carries a bow. The second rider, who carries a sword, is named War and rides a fiery red horse. Famine sits astride a black horse, carrying a pair of scales. The last horseman is Death, whose mount is said to have the pallid colour of a dead person.
Does the Native American myth have a specific title? (I don't like not knowing things)
cheers
Does the Native American myth have a specific title? (I don't like not knowing things)
cheers
I don't know much either - assigned reading for a class - "Fool's Crow" by James Welch has a chapter in which a character has a dream that a warrior has died, and he sees a white horse with no irises described similarly to the horse in my poem. He called it the "Death Horse." That's all I know.
I'm not arguing with you though on the Revelation reference - a very valid interpretation...
Homer describes horses in the underworld too, if I'm not mistaken...
I'm not arguing with you though on the Revelation reference - a very valid interpretation...
Homer describes horses in the underworld too, if I'm not mistaken...
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
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Bombadil
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This is the legend of the Pale Horse, yes? A variation of the White Buffalo. Ooh, I love this stuff...
Here's my suggestions...
The death horse has no rider-
never breaks its trot, or stare (Why not breaks its gait or stride? Trot doesn't fit. never breaks his stride nor stare)
of looking-nowhere sockets, (looking out from nowhere...)
eyelid-less and unrestrained. (just lid-less works. Don't know if we're counting syllables, but hey.)
The death horse’s skin is white- (find a new name to switch between, the Pale Horse's skin shimmers-)
steaming like feeding tube air
in a plastic fecal-matter pocket-
undigested oxygen retained. (Because of these two lines I was convinced the poem was about a hospital gurney. If it isn't, I suggest retooling them.)
The death horse might change height
or shape on inventive years. (Eh. These two only further lend to the ambiguity.)
Swung, then thrust, now cocked -
irises roll, blood is finger paint. (can irises roll on their own?)
It's worth a retool, for clarity's sake I think. Good foundation though.
Cheers,
Keith
Here's my suggestions...
The death horse has no rider-
never breaks its trot, or stare (Why not breaks its gait or stride? Trot doesn't fit. never breaks his stride nor stare)
of looking-nowhere sockets, (looking out from nowhere...)
eyelid-less and unrestrained. (just lid-less works. Don't know if we're counting syllables, but hey.)
The death horse’s skin is white- (find a new name to switch between, the Pale Horse's skin shimmers-)
steaming like feeding tube air
in a plastic fecal-matter pocket-
undigested oxygen retained. (Because of these two lines I was convinced the poem was about a hospital gurney. If it isn't, I suggest retooling them.)
The death horse might change height
or shape on inventive years. (Eh. These two only further lend to the ambiguity.)
Swung, then thrust, now cocked -
irises roll, blood is finger paint. (can irises roll on their own?)
It's worth a retool, for clarity's sake I think. Good foundation though.
Cheers,
Keith
You're right Keith. Shall make some adjustments. As soon as I can.
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
Dunno about the White Buffalo...you're more than probably right though. The story came out of the Blackfeet tribes of Montana - which is relatively close to you, no? California is big but you always struck me as northern Californian.
Anyhoo taking your critiques into account I'm posting a revision. Thanks.
Anyhoo taking your critiques into account I'm posting a revision. Thanks.
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
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Bombadil
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I'm smack in the fucking middle of the state. But I'm from Northern California. And I have Blackfoot blood in my veins. Montana is like 1200 miles away, so, you're right, not too far.
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twoleftfeet
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I must admit I was confused by the missing rider,
and when the horses eyes rolled I thought, initially, that perhaps the horse itself was being slaughtered.
But it is also the weapons themselves.......
I suppose I too had Revelations in mind, as I read.
Perhaps you could find a substitute for "rider" that would suggest
Indians e.g "brave"?
Strong images, especially the last two lines.
"on inventive years"
is this a distillation of wings and history?
Powerful stuff
Geoff
and when the horses eyes rolled I thought, initially, that perhaps the horse itself was being slaughtered.
But it is also the weapons themselves.......
I suppose I too had Revelations in mind, as I read.
Perhaps you could find a substitute for "rider" that would suggest
Indians e.g "brave"?
Strong images, especially the last two lines.
"on inventive years"
is this a distillation of wings and history?
Powerful stuff
Geoff