Happiness

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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Ray Trivedi

Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:42 pm

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Last edited by Ray Trivedi on Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
Leslie
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Sun Feb 12, 2006 3:20 pm

What are you up to here, Ray? Felt I had to post a reply 'cause I hate to see things on the site that someone has toiled over and received no feed-back - also was intrigued by your motives.
The White House ref is now way out-of-date. Any particular reason to emphasise the Jewish connection?
There must be other comparisons you could make to project the inequalities of the peasants; I expect their aspirations are other than wasting good cigars on unsuitable recipients.
Reckon that unlike Monica, you had your tongue in your cheek!!
Best wishes, Leslie.
Saul
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Mon Feb 13, 2006 5:07 pm

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ccvulture

Mon Feb 13, 2006 5:27 pm

I guess if you wrote it back then that context is fine.

But yeah, probably newer ways now to speak the same truth.

Fine with me tho.

Stu
Ray Trivedi

Mon Feb 13, 2006 5:43 pm

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Saul
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Mon Feb 13, 2006 5:53 pm

I only half thought that, I could see your purpose for the larger cause. Just keeping an eye on the offence-ometer, (not that I'm offended), what with those cartoons knocking around.
Ray Trivedi

Mon Feb 13, 2006 6:25 pm

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Last edited by Ray Trivedi on Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
Bombadil
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Mon Feb 13, 2006 6:39 pm

The global community seems so tense at the moment. Prone to be pissed off over something as trivial as a cartoon.

Huh.

Ray,

I don't like it. It doesn't show me anything, nor does it bring anything new to the table. I agree with Leslie, surely there is a better way to communicate the difference between the have-nots and the well-cigared.

Cheers,

Keith
Ray Trivedi

Mon Feb 13, 2006 6:58 pm

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Last edited by Ray Trivedi on Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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lemur
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Tue Feb 14, 2006 2:05 pm

Ray,

I'm afraid I agree with Bombadil - this one doesn't do anything for me. I've seen some of your other writing and I think you could pull off something a lot more subtle/crafted to make the same point in a more effective way.
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