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ccvulture
'She summons me a fixation'
Pretty good, that.
Definitely feels like a private rehearsal in a public place.
Stu
Pretty good, that.
Definitely feels like a private rehearsal in a public place.
Stu
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Ray Trivedi
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Last edited by Ray Trivedi on Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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lemur
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Thu Oct 06, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Edinburgh, traitor that I am
Your last line, Saul, really appealed to me - I like lines that mess about with verbs and nouns. It may not make grammatical sense but I get the sense from the rest of the poem.
Also liked 'she angles a geometry'.. .the quiet poise of the dancer I think comes across really well. I think Ray's arrangement works too, but if you were going to use that I'd change the last line, to give it more of a kick.
Also liked 'she angles a geometry'.. .the quiet poise of the dancer I think comes across really well. I think Ray's arrangement works too, but if you were going to use that I'd change the last line, to give it more of a kick.