jigsaw

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
Post Reply
nar
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 903
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:57 pm
antispam: no
Location: Central Scotland

Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:16 pm

Six piece jigsaw
for age forty plus,
corner-free and edgeless,
yet square as its box.

Slide its bits
on carpet or desk,
but please ... not that
self-assembly coffee table.

- Neil
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
Antcliff
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 6599
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:35 am
Location: At the end of stanza 3

Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:03 pm

Hi Neil
Enjoyed this...nice sound on first stanza and nice emphasis on last line. Enjoyable poem which might be read in many ways.
I read it as partly being about the irritations of middle age. But it is no doubt open to many such interpretations.
Fun.
Best wishes,
Ant
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Deryn
Persistent Poster
Persistent Poster
Posts: 118
Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:12 am

Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:35 pm

Hi Neil, I like poems that make you think and give room for interpretation. And the content of which you can maybe relate to your own experience.

I could complete a 6 piece jigsaw but probably not without my glasses ! And I know what you mean about that self-assembly coffee table.

40+, are you speaking from experience Neil ?

Deryn 50+
RichardSanders
Prolific Poster
Prolific Poster
Posts: 466
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 3:23 pm

Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:35 pm

Much enjoyed.
brought a smile of recognition to my face.
thanks for sharing.
Arian
Perspicacious Poster
Perspicacious Poster
Posts: 2718
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:41 am
antispam: no
Location: Hertfordshire, UK

Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:50 pm

I like s1 a lot, neil. Not sure s2 lives up to its billing, though - seems to end with a bit of a whimper, where I was hoping for a bang. So to speak.

cheers
peter
nar
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 903
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:57 pm
antispam: no
Location: Central Scotland

Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:54 pm

Thanks, all.

Like most of my 'get back into writing' efforts, this was off-cuff quick&dirty soul-spew.

Your comments are unworthy, but much appreciated.

@ Ant: 'many ways' will forever be my curse; when it's written it has only one meaning - perhaps I don't take time to understand my reader. So ... Thank you :).

@ Deryn: yes, 41 and contemplating the best MLC for me and family ;)

@ Richard: Thanks for taking the time. I've read your stuff too: I'm not sure we write from the same place, but I'm glad to share comments any time.

@ Peter: Whether I agree or not, it's always good to get your crit. In this case, I do: S1 is better than S2. I'm a lazy writer; thanks for not being a lazy reader.

This isn't worth rewriting, but I hope that it gets me back into writing and sharing on this forum.

Kindest,

- Neil
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
User avatar
NorwichPoet
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 11:07 pm

Fri Feb 03, 2012 8:25 pm

Like other posts here - I too love the idea of a poem which makes you think and can be interpreted in number of ways.

Look forward to reading more.

NP
nar
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 903
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:57 pm
antispam: no
Location: Central Scotland

Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:39 pm

Thanks, NP.

If you like obscure and open to multiple interpretations, my back-catalogue is full of such ramblings.

Kindest,

- Neil
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
David
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 13973
Joined: Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:40 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Mon Feb 06, 2012 7:31 pm

Hey Neil, I kinda like it as it is, although I agree with Peter that the ending is a bit of a let down. Or, to adopt your image, you've finished with too much sky.

I definitely liked it, though. You've got a quirky voice of your own that's very attractive, and it's good to read it again.

Cheers

David
nar
Preponderant Poster
Preponderant Poster
Posts: 903
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:57 pm
antispam: no
Location: Central Scotland

Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:38 pm

Thanks, David.

Quirky suits me just fine, old bean.

The ending's certainly quirky, but seems to be hitting single-fives :? .

Never mind, it's always good to get crit from the playground monitors.

Warmest,

- Neil
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
Post Reply