Tigers

[desiderata]

Furtive like tigers
We shift position in the darkened room
Noises from outside give us leave to do whatever
We please and yet we skirt the issue politely
Until it’s impossible to ignore when our eyes meet
Piercing what should not be pierced
And my fidgeting hands somehow find your skin
And yours find my back and knead it lightly, your mouth
On my neck just like all those years ago and I am back again
I had not expected this – silence, anger, suspicion but not
Lust; and yet here I am again showing my naivety – it’s just
What you do to me, that and the things you say, I could play
With you all night but I won’t because this is real and this time
We have a choice; I shouldn’t have come I suppose
But it’s like you said: we are driven by forces
Beyond our control

[lobster]

wonderfully descriptive poem desi, you managed to create an intense sexual atmosphere with those (i imagine?) carefully chosen words of feeling. the concept of this encounter not being driven by lust or what we perceive as love was fresh, attention grabbing and yet sad? i felt a veil of sadness had fallen over the character who succumbed to his/her obligatory naivety yet again.

why do they now "have a choice" desi? does this encounter contain sinister undertones?

[desiderata]

thanks lobster. it's interesting that you read it as not being driven by lust - what i meant was that i had expected the other feelings of anger silence and suspicion but the lust was unexpected! thought about making this clearer since you said that but now i kind of like the ambiguity. not sure though. what do you think?
also regarding the sinister aspect.... ive reworked the poem to make it a bit clearer, again i was interested you chose the word sinister as some would definitely interpret this encounter that way.
des
x

[Bombadil]

You know...I liked the first version better. It was more, well, furtive and subsequently more fantastic...

[desiderata]

thanks a.s. i know what you mean. sometimes things come out right first time. any body else got an opinion? here's the first version again:

Furtive like tigers
We shift position in the darkened room
Noises from outside give us leave to do whatever
We please and yet we skirt the issue politely
Until it’s impossible to ignore when our eyes meet
And my fidgeting hands somehow find your skin
And yours find my back and knead it lightly, your mouth
On my neck just like all those years ago and I am back again
I had not expected this – silence, anger, suspicion but not
Lust; and yet here I am again showing my naivety – it’s just
What you do to me, that and the things you say, I could play
With you all night but I won’t because this is real and this time
We have a choice; I shouldn’t have come I suppose
But it’s like you said: we are driven by forces
Beyond our control


id appreciate comments.....
des
x