Smother
INHAIL
Grey whispers twine
About his face
Forming as a noose, the threads
-------------------coming undone
----------becoming ghosts, joining
---------the acrid, thick smog
-----------choking,
---------------coughing.---------------EXHAIL
These grey demons
--------------------only wait
------------------------for their prey, is as anonymous
----------------------------as Anyone.
-------------------------------Almost invisibly
-----------------------------------------they enter through
---------------------------------------------------the weakest places
------------------------------------------------------and
---------------------------------------------------------Kill
Smother
umm, in some pubs, some shopping centres, but not everywhere, their trying to ban it on beaches, but i dont think its come through yet.
actully this poem kind of got stuffed alittle, beause the lines are not meant to be all under eachother, but more spread out across the page and i couldnt get it to work like that, it adds to the effect.... ohwell...
actully this poem kind of got stuffed alittle, beause the lines are not meant to be all under eachother, but more spread out across the page and i couldnt get it to work like that, it adds to the effect.... ohwell...
Hopefully it looks better now, Yesterday? (not that it looked better yesterday, I mean present tense. ha. ha.)
I think the part after EXHALE was better because it was more imaginative, less relying on very predictably smoking-related words like choking, ghosts, smog, coughing.
- Caleb
I think the part after EXHALE was better because it was more imaginative, less relying on very predictably smoking-related words like choking, ghosts, smog, coughing.
- Caleb
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- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 232
- Joined: Sat May 13, 2006 8:02 pm
- Location: manchester UK
I liked it
at first thought maybe choking in a fire but then realised it was about smoking. An interesting way of talking about smoking even if the words in the first half were quite expected (pseud).
thanks for the read
benjy
at first thought maybe choking in a fire but then realised it was about smoking. An interesting way of talking about smoking even if the words in the first half were quite expected (pseud).
thanks for the read
benjy
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- Posts: 11
- Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 12:02 am
i got that it has to do with smoking... but i think that it can also apply to other aspects... u prolly weren't aiming for that at all ... but i enjoyed it because of that