Want Out

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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blueknight
Productive Poster
Productive Poster
Posts: 74
Joined: Sat Sep 04, 2004 3:12 pm

Sat Oct 02, 2004 11:48 pm

The tranquil skies twinkle bright as,
The tortured silver rivers glisten in the moonlight,
But they want out, out
Of this fight.
They long to be rid of all ignescent rock- they are trapped
They yearn for a pervious bed- they have begged and begged and begged,
They dream to seep, to penetrate oh so deep,
To be catapulting downwards, undulating
Towards the darkness beneath,
Haunted waters have tasted death,
Felt every last breath,
Warriors are slain,
A tenth century Viking executed,
A 20th century soldier is murdered,
Enough is enough,
a new warrior is made everyday,
a conveyor belt of maggots…
the makers maker made?
The rivers weep,
The waves keep crashing
The Ocean is black-
Please oh please let us out,
From the………..rivers,
to the …………………..oceans…
We……………....................want........................................………out.
cooladd
Posts: 34
Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2005 11:16 pm
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Mon Apr 03, 2006 7:20 am

I found this interesting. It's almost like a love story mixed in with a horror film and a geography lesson. nice work.
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