observational poem

[David Smedley]

interstellar clouds in space-
across the tarmac
oil mixed with rain

[Elphin]

Hello David

The curious colouring of oil in water always intrigues me. The poem is a nice description but does it say anything more significant - I think a haiku should.

Cheers

elph

[David Smedley]

Elphin, thanks for your thoughts, your right it is not good enough to be a haiku, I shall change the title to reflect that.

regards....David.

[Macavity]

Haiku carry their own context, tradition, baggage and syllable counters. The new title is also defining parameters. The images, celestial and earthly, would lead me to think of distance, perception, the beauty that lies between stars. Enjoyed the mix, the liquids, the canvas of possibilities

cheers

mac

[David Smedley]

Mac, thank you for your thoughts, happy something came across from this... all the best....D

[backinblack]

Hi again David, I like the idea you have here, would be well worth expanding the theme to a longer piece which I'd love to read.
reminds me of something I wrote a while back called satellite street,thanks for the read..BinB.

[David Smedley]

Thanks backinblack for your read and comment, will keep your thought in mind and add this piece to another if the opportunity arises, SEND me your poem satellite street by P.M. I would like to read it ...D