Prom Queen:
Stuff of locker room lore
and first-period fetishes:
famous for fictitious finger fucks,
surreptitious soccer squad suck-offs,
and trumped up school board
smorgasmbords.
She's really a good girl;
never impudent, an excellent student—
rumors are so unfair:
She banged the whole debate team,
in a grand election scheme.
Judicious. That's the word.
This is not good. (Oh well. Content warning)
why isn't this good? never project that kind of sentiment onto your readers...that's my first bit of advice
I LOVE the lines
<i>She banged the whole debate team,
in a grand election scheme.</i>
this is candy on the tongue.
Some line by line notes: [] = delete () = add
<i>Stuff of locker room lore
and first-period fetishes:
famous for fictitious finger fucks [,]
[surreptitious] (and) soccer squad suck-offs, <b>-surreptitious just too much to handle here</b>
and trumped up school board
smorgasmbords. <b>-love it</b>
She's [really] a good girl; <b>-don't like the use of "really" ever...personal thing perhaps</b>
never impudent, an excellent student—
rumors are so unfair:
She banged the whole debate team,
in a grand election scheme.
Judicious. That's the word. <b>-strong finish</b></i>
I think this works, it is funny as hell and makes impact. Don't be so damn hard on yourself.
I LOVE the lines
<i>She banged the whole debate team,
in a grand election scheme.</i>
this is candy on the tongue.
Some line by line notes: [] = delete () = add
<i>Stuff of locker room lore
and first-period fetishes:
famous for fictitious finger fucks [,]
[surreptitious] (and) soccer squad suck-offs, <b>-surreptitious just too much to handle here</b>
and trumped up school board
smorgasmbords. <b>-love it</b>
She's [really] a good girl; <b>-don't like the use of "really" ever...personal thing perhaps</b>
never impudent, an excellent student—
rumors are so unfair:
She banged the whole debate team,
in a grand election scheme.
Judicious. That's the word. <b>-strong finish</b></i>
I think this works, it is funny as hell and makes impact. Don't be so damn hard on yourself.