work

[marm]

six days a week
humble and meek.
Do as i'm told
quiet, not bold.
Bones exposed
on fingers and toes.
You could do my job!?
I could do yours too!
Better than you!
Forty degrees in my office.
Fire, fat and food,
are you that good?
miserly finance
to dance
your merry dance.
With barely a chance
to advance.
So sack me!
Please!
I'll see you in court.
Give that a thought!

Not a happy bunny. YOU is my boss though, not you the reader, don't take offence! The cows will get out!

[David]

Six days a week? That's not good.

Marm, I like this. It's a sort of nursery rhyme for the disaffected salaryman. Actually, it's almost a skipping song. Punchy and fun.

Cheers,
David

[marm]

Thanks david. That was like getting my first bit if feedback on ebay. All warm and fuzzy. You may have guessed i'm not happy at work so if you know anyone whoneeds a chef let me know!

[thoke]

miserly finance
to dance
your merry dance.
With barely a chance
to advance.

I like this bit. It sounds... cheeky.

If I were you, I'd end the last line of the poem with a full stop instead of an exclamation mark, just because I think the poem has enough exclamations already, and the last one doesn't really make your frustration any more apparent than it already is. I'm afraid that's the only criticism/suggestion I can think of...

[lifeguard_sleeping]

I like the defiant tone, I think it expresses how we all feel at some point in our lives. I like this line too:

"You could do my job!?
I could do yours too!
Better than you!"

It has a good sound to it, the stacatto makes you shout it and the way each line gets shorter than the last conveys the feeling of the speaker losing patience.