I could not get this to post correctly....so I uploaded an image of it. Below the image is the text in case others want to do a line by line.
00000.
in the meantime little images
do dance for me
in the shape of how I remember you.
all those infectious moments in the chilly days before this heat wrapped itself around our lives.
impossible,
really,
to know for sure…
but I was certain you were the kindest skin-toned creature I’d ever met.
and I’m smiling still, despite the debris and discomfort of loss. smiling at the long list of zeros who never had a chance at you
the way I did.
00000.
Well, ty, I liked the style, phrasing and the lay-out. The only thing I could fault the poem for is this:
discomfort of loss
Seems a little too easily said. Some kind of demonstration of this "discomfort of loss" would help the poem out, I think. How did the love interest leave you, for example?
Like I said, otherwise I like it.
- Caleb
discomfort of loss
Seems a little too easily said. Some kind of demonstration of this "discomfort of loss" would help the poem out, I think. How did the love interest leave you, for example?
Like I said, otherwise I like it.
- Caleb
- twoleftfeet
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Ty,
I'm tempted to say that I care nought for this poem.
Actually, I quite like bits of it despite not understanding it!
My only quibble is
"do dance" - it sounds Shakespearian and stands out as odd in an
otherwise modern idiom.
Is she/he the one for you?
Geoff
I'm tempted to say that I care nought for this poem.
Actually, I quite like bits of it despite not understanding it!
My only quibble is
"do dance" - it sounds Shakespearian and stands out as odd in an
otherwise modern idiom.
Is she/he the one for you?
Geoff