For W.W. (revised)
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- Posts: 14
- Joined: Mon Dec 01, 2014 8:39 am
I absolutely love it. Its simplicity is its strength. The sight portrayed really fills up the mind with thoughts of ambiguity which really adds to the theme. The more I read it the less I am able to perceive the flaws (if there's any). The last sonnet is the strongest part of the poem.
Hey, Mac.
Noticed there aren't a lot of responses yet on this one.
Wanted to let you know I have twice lost my responses to this piece. Not sure what I've been doing wrong and not sure if I'll get to a third.
How annoying.
el
Noticed there aren't a lot of responses yet on this one.
Wanted to let you know I have twice lost my responses to this piece. Not sure what I've been doing wrong and not sure if I'll get to a third.
How annoying.
el
Sorry to hear that el. Thank you for trying. I believe Ray has had similar issues. For insurance I use control and c keys just before I hit the submit button.elotrooso wrote:Hey, Mac.
Noticed there aren't a lot of responses yet on this one.
Wanted to let you know I have twice lost my responses to this piece. Not sure what I've been doing wrong and not sure if I'll get to a third.
How annoying.
el
all the best
mac
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- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 6599
- Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:35 am
- Location: At the end of stanza 3
"seek" feels a bit archaic here? But maybe that is intentional in this WW context?Those roaming clouds
which seek my breath...
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
These cradled clouds
within both hands
like moths I nest
another sorrow;
why are they here
so far below,
beyond this rest
where will they go?
Not sure I fully understand this stanza....N is wondering where the clouds go? Is it the hands or the clouds that are like moths?
Seth
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
Seth what brings you to read such miserable stuff?
all the best
mac
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
I think it is all creaking a bit to be honest...teach me to venture into rhyme!seek" feels a bit archaic here? But maybe that is intentional in this WW context?Am I right in reading this poem as deliberately playing with an older mode of expression?
Shuffled those lines for, hopefully, some coherence...Is it the hands or the clouds that are like moths?
all the best
mac
Wow. I think this sounds lovely. (Apart from "a blind sorrow" - rhythmically, that's really jarring). The sense of it never really cohered for me, it all statyed a bit vague and vapourish, but that's clouds, right?
The iambic thump - two in every line (apart from that little shocker quoted above) - is immensely appealing.
Cheers
David
The iambic thump - two in every line (apart from that little shocker quoted above) - is immensely appealing.
Cheers
David