Poor Brain (a tribute to free verse?)

[mick]

Left and right hand toil together,
Never separate, never tethered,
Master of your craft or nether,
Harmony unfolding.

Sprightly in your resolution,
Contracting your contribution,
Craving for a crack solution,
Masterpieces moulding.

Provident and awe-inspiring,
Constant in your quest enquiring,
Oh my God, it's bloody tiring,
All this meter holding.

[lemony]

Mick, poetry is just spilling forth from your keyboard at the moment. I admire that you are trying a variety of styles and subject matters.

The sounds and alliteration throughout this one work well for me -

'Contracting your contribution,
Craving for a crack solution,'

'Constant in your quest enquiring,'

- being my favourite lines.

The sentiment and message are clear and the end brings a wry smile - once again, I like it.

[barrie]

Sorry Mick - Doesn't even rate with 'A good night out', which was really good for your first venture into free verse - Your language was natural, there was no need (obviously) to force rhyme or alter syntax, and you said what you needed to say - This one doesn't do the trick for me.

Just my opinion - others will say I'm wrong, no doubt.

cheers

Barrie

[mick]

Thanks Lemony and Barrie. This one came about because I started trying to create systematically rather than from the heart. I realised it was a bad move when it started to sound like a hymn, and I set about trying to bring it to a reasonably amusing close. It was good practice, but perhaps I shouldn't have submitted it. Get back to stuff that feels.
Cheers,
Mick.

[ccvulture]

Well, I thought this was funny. It shows self-awareness and humour. It reminds me of some published poets who take a lighthearted view of their chosen art.

Stu

[anniecat]

Hi Mick, I liked it, i found it nice and easy to read and understand,
I agree with Lemony and his favorite lines, very good;
I may of ended it with "All this meter reading"
I don't know though? it just flowed better to me.
Stu i agree with also, a lighter look at life, some times i find poets a little to heavy if you know what i mean.. Anniecat

[mick]

Yes, AC, I know exactly what you mean. Have you read "Nightmare"? I always try to be amusing in some way - love how you can get plays on words with their various meanings. Afraid I'm not well-educated though, so I miss a lot of other writers skills in that direction.

Having said that, there's also some sad but really moving (what I think of as "pure") poetry that would be sullied (is that how you spell it?) by any humour. Just depends on your mood at the time I suppose.

Thanks for reading my stuff and for your suggestions (always welcome)
Don't suppose you could give me your opinion of "Nightmare", could you?
I'd appreciate your comments (maybe I went a bit mad for some readers but I enjoyed writing it.

Cheers,
Mick.

[anniecat]

hi Mick posted a reply.

[anniecat]

holding can not be reading can it, free verse i'm learning. AC

[mick]

The poem is about a brain, and the tiredness it feels from keeping rhyme and meter "jugled", so "holding" is holding all the information that the brain has to deal with at one sitting.
Thanks again for looking.
Mick,

[anniecat]

wow, i am so ignorant i'm sorry, i totally miss interpreted it, i need education or educating, i read again and under stand now i was way off on that one, i don't think that a chew into them enough, my imaturity, very sorry.AC ( i did'nt know then what meter was either)

I'll get me coat.