The Worm

[khansaa]

The Worm

A valiant knight that will not barter
rest for toil,
the plodding hours
of sieve and strain,
for a Protection Act.

Steadily it silts the debris of the underworld.
Bold Intestines of the Earth!
It fills it’s yearly quota
(Of a ton or so) of fertile soil
and waits with five
intrepid hearts,
In cryptic store rooms
For its molar foe.

[barrie]

Not a wasted word - so effective in its simplicity and brevity.

'and waits with five
intrepid hearts,
In cryptic store rooms
For its molar foe.'

Great last line!

I have one question - This should be posted in the experienced section - Do you want it moved?

[cameron]

Yes, very nice khansaa.

The only bit I had a problem with was "valiant knight". This sounds rather cliched to me and doesn't work (I think) as a description of a worm. Can you think of something better?

"molar foe" though was excellent.

I agree with Baz; it should be posted in the "experienced" forum.

Cheers
Cam

[benjywenjy]

I really like it, it's very burlesque nature, describing something as humble as a worm in such grand language, great way of making people think.

I agree as well, this should be in the experienced section

benjy

[cameron]

How about "valiant invertebrate"?

[khansaa]

Barrie, Cam, and Benjy, Hi !

and thanks a lot for the kind words.


Barrie I don't think I'm experienced enough, but if it means this poem gets clobbered to my benefit, then by all means.

Cam, valiant knight didnt sit well with me either. I think I could do without it altogether it's telly.

I'm not comfortable with the line structure either, but I have never managed to understand this part of poetry.

thanks again for the feedback,

best wishes,


K