Version two
When Archimedes had paprika,
he'd fart and burp all day,
and every time scream eureka!
Then fan the stench away.
Original
When Archimedes had paprika,
he'd fart and burp all day,
and every time he'd scream eureka!
Then waft the stench away.
You reeka
- JJWilliamson
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3276
- Joined: Sun Feb 22, 2015 6:20 am
An interesting fart poem, Tristan. Feels unfinished to me.
Metrically perfect, if I elide 'every'.
Best
JJ
Metrically perfect, if I elide 'every'.
Best
JJ
Firebird wrote:When Archimedes had paprika,
he'd fart and burp all day,
and every time he'd scream eureka!
Then waft the stench away.
Long time a child and still a child
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- Posts: 12
- Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2015 11:57 am
fits the meter if you do away with the "he'd"Firebird wrote:When Archimedes had paprika,
he'd fart and burp all day,
and every time he'd scream eureka!
Then waft the stench away.
I'm not sure as to how he would 'waft the stench' - surely the stench would waft on its own?
Perhaps you mean 'Til the stench would waft away'?
Hi JJ, a little unfinished it maybe.
Hi Pauline, really glad you like it! 'A blast' is an appropriate description.
Hi justforkix, many thanks for your advice. Very useful! I've made some changes based on what you said.
Cheers,
Tristan
Hi Pauline, really glad you like it! 'A blast' is an appropriate description.
Hi justforkix, many thanks for your advice. Very useful! I've made some changes based on what you said.
Cheers,
Tristan