1.2.3.4.
I sense the same gut feeling I endured before,
My ears prick up, my face drains white,
And as I feel my blood run cold,
I know this is the beginning of a very long night.
Voices are raised and I have to make sure,
I turn the T.V down and peer behind the door.
5.6.7.8.
First thing I hear. A scream. “FUCK SAKE”,
That’s it, It’s started, I can’t believe what I hear,
I run on down, worried and scared,
Her face like mine, streaming with tears.
You grit your teeth and have blood shot eyes,
I saw another side of you that you let just hide.
Hours of cries and disrupting the peace
It’s way past midnight.
Too upset to sleep
1.2.3.4
Hi, being new to this i often don't fully capture the scene but i'm trying.
Is this domestic violence? Has somebody been killed? I think you need to show a little bit more. (what was the hiding side?)
Thought provoking stuff but as usual i'm more than likley wrong on this.
AC
Is this domestic violence? Has somebody been killed? I think you need to show a little bit more. (what was the hiding side?)
Thought provoking stuff but as usual i'm more than likley wrong on this.
AC
Hi Senwaar. Very moving - whether it's personal or invented. I had a problem with the line "I saw another side of you that you let just hide". Dont know if it would read better with "just" and "let" reversed, or whether it could do with reconstructing somehow. A few bits of punctuation could do with sorting, but I enjoyed reading this.
Thank you for posting.
Mick
Thank you for posting.
Mick
Hi, got to hack in again, i agree with Mick, but i still want to know what happend as i'm worried for who ever is suffering, that to me proves it's good almost haunting;
I am also wondering if this is personal? AC
I am also wondering if this is personal? AC
Thanks alot for the comments guys.
I really want to point out that although this subject is very close to my heart it isn't about some one dyeing or any major domestic abuse. It is hard to explain what it is about. and although there was violence at one time, it's not in the way I think people may read it as. The anger and scared and upsetness you may read from it I don't think is over rated nor exagerated but maybe some words need changeing or new lines added in.
It was a very emotional time for me, and a time which has been repeated once too often.
Thank you for your comments. I may update this later with an edited version as Althoug h I will still keep this version as I am proud of it, I don't want people thinking anythign of the sort about death.
What do you think?
Mick While I think of extras lines to add and change around I shall take in your comment and see if I can make that line work a little better.
I really want to point out that although this subject is very close to my heart it isn't about some one dyeing or any major domestic abuse. It is hard to explain what it is about. and although there was violence at one time, it's not in the way I think people may read it as. The anger and scared and upsetness you may read from it I don't think is over rated nor exagerated but maybe some words need changeing or new lines added in.
It was a very emotional time for me, and a time which has been repeated once too often.
Thank you for your comments. I may update this later with an edited version as Althoug h I will still keep this version as I am proud of it, I don't want people thinking anythign of the sort about death.
What do you think?
Mick While I think of extras lines to add and change around I shall take in your comment and see if I can make that line work a little better.
Hi, I possibly read into it too deeply as similar happenings have, maybe effected my life and vision of thought on this subject, perhaps i am a little sensertive, i am sorry if my feelings over ran my reading and absorbtion
of your reflections into the past.
You should be proud of your words.AC
of your reflections into the past.
You should be proud of your words.AC