Sonnet - Summers Morning

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Greenman
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Joined: Sun Jul 18, 2004 10:53 am

Thu Jun 22, 2006 1:03 pm

Summers Morning

Push back the veils of the night,
Open the shutters on the day,
Let the morn be bathed with light,
Ablaze with the sun’s healing ray:
Across this land the birds rejoice,
To see the coming of the sun,
With hearts and souls in joyful voice,
At the night’s bondage now undone:
And with a flash of up lift wings,
Rising upward into the sky,
The morning birds with their blessings,
Ever onward they testify:
Until the birds are lost from view,
Upon this morning’s, Golden Hue.
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Jester
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Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:05 pm

Hi Greenman. I liked the opening - "veils of the night" - nice. There was much to enjoy, but aren't we supposed to be sticking to 10 syllable lines?
Been hard work trying to get mine to sound natural whilst sticking to this "rule". Maybe one of the mods will be able to let you know better.
Thanks for the read.
Mick
cameron
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Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:30 pm

Yes, this doesn't meet the brief GM. It has to be 10 syllable, iambic pentameter.

As for the content, I find it very cliched and old hat - but, then, you knew I'd say that.

Welcome back.

Cam
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Greenman
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Joined: Sun Jul 18, 2004 10:53 am

Thu Jun 22, 2006 6:05 pm

Thanks Cameron, this is my one and only attempt at a sonnet, 'Well it was worth a try!'

Greenman....
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