Infantile

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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NotQuiteSure
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Wed Sep 30, 2020 12:29 pm

.
Untitled


Nobody knows
if it's true or it's not,
because,
really,

would you want to
risk getting shot

just to find out
if it's true or it's not

that the soldiers who guard the Queen
each have a secret
ninja penguin
they keep hidden
under their hats?

A bird
on alert
waiting
for the word
to launch a surprise attack.



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Macavity
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Wed Sep 30, 2020 5:42 pm

Nobody knows
if it's true or it's not,
because,
really,

would you want to
risk getting shot

just to find out
if it's true or it's not
That's the poem for me Not. I really like that part.

mac
NotQuiteSure
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Wed Sep 30, 2020 5:49 pm

.
OK then mac,
but what's the title? :)

Regards, Not


.
Macavity
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Wed Sep 30, 2020 6:03 pm

I'll ponder! :D
Macavity
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Wed Sep 30, 2020 6:26 pm

Schooling
Pauline
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Thu Oct 01, 2020 9:27 pm

Macavity wrote:
Wed Sep 30, 2020 5:42 pm
Nobody knows
if it's true or it's not,
because,
really,

would you want to
risk getting shot

just to find out
if it's true or it's not
Macavity wrote:
Wed Sep 30, 2020 5:42 pm
That's the poem for me Not.
I have to agree.
NotQuiteSure wrote:
Wed Sep 30, 2020 5:49 pm
OK then mac,
but what's the title?
[/quote

Hmmm :idea:
How about....

Secret?
or....

Who knows?

or....

Head fuck? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

or....


Fuck sake? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

or ...

............

I'm just putting it out there but....


or....

I'm just the messenger......( my fave)

:) :) :)
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Amadis
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Fri Oct 02, 2020 10:21 am

Secret Crown
Lethal Coronet
Tactical Tiara
Secret Agent Tittfer


Just an idea :)
NotQuiteSure
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Fri Oct 02, 2020 10:55 am

.
Hi Pauline.
Thanks for the read and suggestions. This may be a bit of a throwaway piece (possibly best thrown away) but I got hooked on the rhythm of the part you (and mac) highlighted (easily pleased, I suppose). I like your messenger title/suggestion (and the deeply exasperated parent (Fuck's Sake) raised a smile) - pondering ... pondering.


Hi Amadis,
I see you appreciate the silliness of the piece, like those titles (as well, drat!).


Thanks both.

Undecidedly, Not


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