Santa

[camus]

There, in the corner, staring at his list
Two pints long - an industrial tan.
Padding - a pillow, an eking of slightness
Beard upon beard - a fable upon man.

Yet, no prosaic approaches for him
Nor drunken sitting on knees, no pleads
"For a new Mrs" he's left alone
To sup and tick, a regular guy/myth.

[Macavity]

There, in the corner, staring at his list
Two pints long - an industrial tan.
Padding - a pillow, an eking of slightness
Beard upon beard - a fable upon man.

Yet, no prosaic approaches for him
Nor drunken sitting on knees, no pleads
"For a new Mrs" he's left alone
To sup and tick, a regular guy/myth.

Some inventive stuff Kris, particularly enjoyed L2 and L4. Something is bothering me about eking of slightness, not sure what, a tad daft, poetic straining? L7 do you need 'alone'. Everything shows he is. Anyway some cheer...

[Firebird]

Hi Kris,

I like it, especially line four. Great. I’m not that keen on ‘an eking of slightness’ like Phil. I’d go with ‘regular myth’ at the end. It’s a good counterpoint to line four.

Enjoyed.

Cheers,

Tristan

[littlebirdsaved]

Just like others, I particularly enjoyed line 2 and line 4.
Funny poem I can't write like this, so I admire your skills.

[camus]

Thanks guys, appreciated.

Funny, "an eking of slightness" was my absolute favourite part, I was overjoyed at that line, and still am.

I also saw the poem as rather tragic, or that's what i intended.

Hey ho.

Cheers
Kris