The Horses

[ennui]

The horses come to me when I butter bread
and fold our freshened old clothes.
They appear in step behind me
as I pace our rooms with the cordless phone.

They breathe into the backs of my knees
and nuzzle me throughout the day.
I hope to share their sable coats with you
when you’ve had a moment to unwind,
so I tie them to the rungs of chairs and table legs.

The hours drag past and the horses stomp,
leaving bruises on the linoleum of the kitchen nook,
while we wait for your sounds in the yard.
When you come, I feed you and pet their shiny haunches,
quieting them with clucking noises and hums.

Finally, when you sit with your wine,
I loosen the ropes, one by one at first,
until the small and last shy few are free.
I wonder if you see them.

The parade consumes the living room,
leaving impressions all over the rug and floor.
You never mention their hooves
or their colors when they prance
around you on the couch.

[Jester]

This has a very calming feel to it ennui. Loved the way you used reassuring phrases coupled with the light/bizarre scene of the horses - very effective IMHO. I couldn't find anything to pick at. Don't know if you had a parallel theme in mind for the horses, but they're entertaining enough in their own right.

Very nice.

Mick.

[ennui]

Mick,

Thanks for reading over it. Nitless is a nice place, don't get there often enough.

The horses are standing in as the housewife's passions and inspirations.

appreciate it
Jennie

[camus]

I think the metaphor worked brilliantly, especially in the final stanza - after a few wines, ooohh errr Mrs.

I was thrown by the use of sable, I was drawn into thinking of exotic pets and such like, do horses have sable coats?

good read.

cheers
Kris

[ennui]

Thanks Camus

after a few wines any horse'll do though, right? haha

webster says yellowish grayish brown? I don't know

chestnut may be a better fit, just wanted a picture of shiny brown that catches light. Thanks for making me think it through, I do like this better.

Jennie

[Duncan Williams.]

Great poem, Jennie. keep up the good work.... kind regards. Duncan.

[cameron]

Jennie,

I enjoyed this very much. Have you been reading The Horses by Edwin Muir:

"Late in the evening the strange horses came"

It's an excellent poem, if you don't know it.

My only crit is that I was expecting a bit more insight into the relationship between the two people involved. If I'm reading it right, the "I" character wonders whether the "you" character can see the horses - with the last verse implying that they can - but that they chose not to pay attention to them???

It's quite mysterious isn't it? Perhaps that's the intention and, if so, works very well.

Cam

[ennui]

Thanks Cameron-
I haven't read that actually, this was inspired by The Strait-jackets by Pascale Petit.

After she wonders if he sees her horses, her only answering clue is that he doesn't say anything about them, so what I don't spell out is that she then must assume that he didn't . That in itself would show her loneliness, the way thier focuses miss each other, and the yearn in between?

Thanks so much for reading and I'm off to see if Muir's horses are stranger than mine!

Jennie

[twoleftfeet]

I enjoyed the innuendo of this poem (as I saw it).
Nice one.

btw
I took sable to mean "sandy in colour" - I checked the etymology
and it can also mean black (something to do with heraldry), so
no worries.

Geoff

[ennui]

Thanks Duncan, I missed your comment before.

Geoff - Yes, I looked at that - I'm thinking about it. I had one previous neg. comment with sable. Even if it is kosher, I wouldn't want connotation to trip anyone up.

Thanks for looking it over!

Jennie

[David]

Jennie,

This is great. Kris says I think the metaphor worked brilliantly - so do I.

I think it's a wonderful evocation of the passions that still lurk in our tired and stressed out married lives - even if we're usually too knackered (cunning English pun! Does it work stateside?) to indulge them.

Or did I get that wrong? Hopefully not, after several paragraphs of explication.

The only sentence - the only one! - I'm not so keen on is actually the one with sable in it. To me, sable is black, as in:

So may som gentle Muse
With lucky words favour my destin'd Urn,
And as he passes turn,
And bid fair peace be to my sable shrowd.

Even beyond that, though, the coats confuse me. You're going to share their sable coats? And it sounds as though you're tying the coats (and not tethering the horses) to the chairs and table legs.

I'm not a big Patti Smith fan, but is her Horses about passions as well?

I also wonder, idly, whether you could lose the last verse all together, finishing on I wonder if you see them. That would be a beautiful closer. The last verse is fine, but I'm not sure it takes things any further.

Whatever. This is really good.

David

[ennui]

Hi David

Survey says - ditch sable. Thanks for weighing in. I'm switching to chestnut for sure now.

The passions - I might see the word differently, I guess. Just what she is passionate about, what she dreams of doing that helps her tolerate the laundry and serving of meals. Wasn't really thinking of the romantic sort that may come to mind quickly because of the obvious marriage setting. Not sure romantic passions would follow her around the way the inspiring seeds of a new project or poem would.

knackered? llooked it up in the English to American dict....yes, I like that this meaning could work, even if not the intent
was this the pun? ha! "The derivation, I understand, is from the time when old, worn out horses were taken to the "knacker's yard" and... well... converted into glue."

I almost dropped the last stanza before, but decided that it shows the extent of her isolation from him in this regard. Without it there is only a suggestion. I agree it is a better ending craft-wise.

Thanks so much
Jennie