rock or die

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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starlight
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Thu Aug 17, 2006 3:43 pm

Live like a king!
Never get an answer...
Laugh like a king!
Dont know what life is!

Rock or die!To be forever is to live forever.
never ever ever take the pain!Rock or die-hie!

look out the window see all the pai-ain never get in my way now
livin' in vain yeah im livin' in vain...

Rock or die!To be forever is to live forever.
never ever ever take the pain!Rock or die-hie!

look at me n tell me what you see....

Rock or die!To be forever is to live forever.
never ever ever take the pain!Rock or die-hie!
David
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Thu Aug 17, 2006 6:03 pm

Depends on whether there's spots on it or not.
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Jester
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Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:48 pm

starlight

A bit lacking in content, though I suppose that's not unusual for a rock track (or thrash)

18,000 results on Google for "Live like a king" but, again, you can get away with it in music.

It begs to be screamed.

Mick
kozmikdave
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Thu Aug 17, 2006 9:36 pm

Gidday

I'm finding the ideas difficult to stitch together in my head to come up with a coherent storyline. I hope you have a killer riff in mind coz da words ain't doin' it for me. I could be wrong but isn't music and poetry all about pictures and emotions? I'm not getting either of these from the lyrics. It may very well sound great with a 7-string Ibanez tuned down to C and played through a stack of Marshalls, drummer doing burnouts and a bass player strutting naked, but as words on a page, they don't really make me want to jump up and start dancing or slashing my wrists.

There are some really cool heavy bands doing very good lyrics - Dream Theater, etc. Take a listen and see the effort they put in.

I sound so old fashioned and fuddy-duddy now. Look what you've made me do. If you have a copy of it being performed, I'd love to give it a listen. Otherwise, i'd love to see you do another that draws on a little bit more.

Cheers
Dave
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twoleftfeet
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Fri Aug 18, 2006 9:22 am

Starlight,

"Forever" coupled with "never ever" is kinda catchy.
Apart from that, it just seems to be reiterating the "Think I'll die before I get old" theme - it's hard to tell.
As has been said, you will get away with it if the music is good, but
I'm sure you can do better than this.


Keep posting
Geoff
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starlight
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Sun Aug 20, 2006 10:39 am

it wasnt great at all but i just got bored so i did that.i started to shout it like heavy metal so i just wrote from my heart.
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