War

[starlight]

Remember the sirens, the flashing red lights and the sound of screams,
Blackouts and blank faces.
The red and pink sky is no longer welcoming.
The smell sickening in bomb shelters.
The hope that you might just survive.
Blood.Family.Soldiers.
Remember the war.

[Jester]

Hi starlight

Difficult subject - a lot of material out there. IMHO this is pretty good though. I think it might be improved by omitting -

"The hope that you might jusst survive".

There's a bit of a problem with contradiction -

"flashing red lights" / "no lights" - might be better to come up with an alternative expression for the flashes.

Thanks and keep posting.

Mick.

[twoleftfeet]

Starlight,

As Mick says, the main problem is the contradiction raised by "red lights"/ "no lights".

I can see where you are going with "no lights, no smiles" -
How about
"Blackouts and blank faces"? Just a suggestion.


Keep posting
Geoff

[thoke]

I was gonna say the same thing about the contradiction, but two people got there first.

The subject matter is probably quite familiar to most people, and in my opinion you haven't really shed any new light on the subject of war. Maybe you should read some classic war poetry for inspiration?

[starlight]

thank you ive edited my work to what you told me!thank you for the kind suggestions.

[kozmikdave]

Gidday

The contrast in

The red and pink sky is no longer welcoming.

works pretty well for me.

Cheers
Dave