All My Disappointments
Again, the sun is rising. Soon the vast
sweep of the firmament will be all blue,
with not a star or planet. And the East
will light with red and gold. We’ll see a new
horizon off where this sky ends, a bright
and shining promise. Soon, the singing birds
will speak out and the pillows of the night
will yield their freight of dreamers. All the words
that you and I once traded will return
into my weary brain: the artifice,
the spin, the imperfection. We were born
to better things, to better words than this –
but life will disappoint a bloke. The time
we said goodbye comes back to me; we were
another disappointment. The sublime
that we pursued had melted into air
by then and you and I, sad animals,
became as two. It’s something I’ve done since.
We move on, we continue, and the walls
we built won’t hold us. That is my defense.
All My Disappointments
Greetings, John,
We recall this poem from Rhyme-Time. All Coo-mmunity members appreciate the opening imagery with its vivid colours. This moves well into S2, delightful with its birds in song and speech, and the portrait of a disappointing relationship. We wonder whether 'we were / another disappointment' might be more apt in terms of the title, and also for the notion of two persons together pursuing something sublime. This seems a joint quest. But we might have missed something, of course (*v*)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
We recall this poem from Rhyme-Time. All Coo-mmunity members appreciate the opening imagery with its vivid colours. This moves well into S2, delightful with its birds in song and speech, and the portrait of a disappointing relationship. We wonder whether 'we were / another disappointment' might be more apt in terms of the title, and also for the notion of two persons together pursuing something sublime. This seems a joint quest. But we might have missed something, of course (*v*)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
Greetings, F & C!
Yes, this poem did indeed feature on Rhyme-Time! I am glad you enjoyed the vivid colors and the birds and the relatinoship. I think you idea - we were - is fascinating! I shall try it out. As you say, it is thetwo together who failed, as a sort of team effort, not either in particular. We seems apt.
Cheerie,
John
Yes, this poem did indeed feature on Rhyme-Time! I am glad you enjoyed the vivid colors and the birds and the relatinoship. I think you idea - we were - is fascinating! I shall try it out. As you say, it is thetwo together who failed, as a sort of team effort, not either in particular. We seems apt.
Cheerie,
John
The rhyme is lovely in this, John. I didn't notice it the first time because of the way the poem moves along. It was only when I read again that I saw it... a subtle rhyme.
The tone is so well maintained throughout. Melancholy, too, and a beautifully written end. This is my favourite part:
"Soon, the singing birds
will speak out and the pillows of the night
will yield their freight of dreamers. All the words
that you and I once traded will return
into my weary brain: the artifice,
the spin, the imperfection."
Nothing to suggest from me. It's lovely writing.
Lia
The tone is so well maintained throughout. Melancholy, too, and a beautifully written end. This is my favourite part:
"Soon, the singing birds
will speak out and the pillows of the night
will yield their freight of dreamers. All the words
that you and I once traded will return
into my weary brain: the artifice,
the spin, the imperfection."
Nothing to suggest from me. It's lovely writing.
Lia
Hi Lia,
I'm very glad this poem spoke to you! Yes, a lot of it is half-rhyme, and I did hope for it to be as inconspicuous as possible - still, it's good to see its music caught your ear. Elegy is a tone that perhaps comes naturally to me, but it is gratifying to hear that the tone is sustained throughout the piece, that's a thing one iwshes for but it can't be guaranteed. Thanks also for pointing to your favorite bit. I myself feel the poems' tone was markedly imprvoed when Fliss and Coo persuaded me to change you to we in the text, the you would have been a tonal error, and the we is very sad, I think.
Cheers,
John
I'm very glad this poem spoke to you! Yes, a lot of it is half-rhyme, and I did hope for it to be as inconspicuous as possible - still, it's good to see its music caught your ear. Elegy is a tone that perhaps comes naturally to me, but it is gratifying to hear that the tone is sustained throughout the piece, that's a thing one iwshes for but it can't be guaranteed. Thanks also for pointing to your favorite bit. I myself feel the poems' tone was markedly imprvoed when Fliss and Coo persuaded me to change you to we in the text, the you would have been a tonal error, and the we is very sad, I think.
Cheers,
John
Greetings, John!jisbell00 wrote: ↑Tue Aug 29, 2023 9:09 pmGreetings, F & C!
Yes, this poem did indeed feature on Rhyme-Time! I am glad you enjoyed the vivid colors and the birds and the relatinoship. I think you idea - we were - is fascinating! I shall try it out. As you say, it is thetwo together who failed, as a sort of team effort, not either in particular. We seems apt.
Cheerie,
John
Hooray, Rhyme-Time! Yes, many pleasing attributes here. We're happy to have helped in a felicitous manner. Falling asleep again now, but we'll be back for further comment tomorrow (^v^)
Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
