You now have a violent exterior

[camus]

Head of suede
eyes of ruin
your svelte svengali
softness gone.

Now a barnyard savage
your head tattooed
in drunken Latin:
Illegitimi non carborundum

message done.
A clever thug
you have now
become.

[ray miller]

Love it, especially the 2nd verse. I'm tempted to rhyme Barnyard Savage with Bernard Manning.

[David]

Yes, very good. Not a word wasted.

Great title too.

Cheers

David

[ton321]

Enjoyed. Terse, tense, and intense-

Tony

[camus]

Thanks guys!

[Macavity]

Excellent Kris. The inner/outer, the irony of the progression, a twist on Dorian Gray.

[Ryder]

Very good

I like when rhyme is used between languages and in such a concise way, Tony Harrison can do that quite well too.

Good job.

[camus]

Thanks Mac,

Really pleased the irony came through, thought it may be lost.

Thanks Ryder,

I had a bit of Harrison obsession for a short while, especially his (C) Cancer poems and his glorious 'Long Distance' poems. I tried to replicate Long Distance II a number of times, but failed miserably.

Cheers
Kris

[Ryder]

‘National Trust’ is a particular favourite and contains a bit of what I was on about.

Ta