What People Build Together

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jisbell00
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Wed Nov 01, 2023 8:04 am

What People Build Together


While some hold out for what a man can touch,
I am more taken by the mind: the slow
light on the village square, the sudden clatter
that meets you in a side street, the unknown
face at the turn. This is the sort of place
to ease my neck and shoulders. I can hear
the day’s routine unwinding, and I find
it sparks my interest. What people build
together, be it book or dwelling, lies
within the mind’s arc. What is merely there
for the hand, for the eye, but is not made,
is weightless to me. I have no desire
to speak of what lacks meaning; meaning comes
into the world from people, as a cup
of tea is made when tea is poured, as day
begins with daylight rising in the East.

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CalebPerry
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Wed Nov 01, 2023 11:21 am

I don't see anything wrong with it. It's a nice poem, unfolding logically and gracefully. It doesn't reflect my own experience/feelings that much. If it did, I could see myself really loving it. Objectively, in all respects I think it's a good poem. The quality of your writing is always high.
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If you don't like the black theme, it is easy to switch to a lighter color. Just ask me how.
If I don't critique your poem, it is probably because I don't understand it.
jisbell00
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Wed Nov 01, 2023 12:05 pm

Why, thank you, Caleb! I appreciate your broad-minded review of a poem that doesn't grab you but in which you see merit, aesthetic merit at least. It is also kind of you to say that I maintain a standard in what I post!

I'm still working through my MS> Broccoli and Duty, on about page 14 now.

Cheers,
John
Ryder
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Thu Nov 02, 2023 2:04 pm

There’s something Whimanesque about this poem and the overall sentiment I liked.
It’s very concise too.
Enjoyed 👍
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Leaf
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Thu Nov 02, 2023 8:48 pm

Greetings, John,

Members of the Coo-mmunity enjoyed this too. The imagery through lines 2 to 5 is particularly engaging. It's pleasant to think of people building together, especially in such turbulent times. We appreciate the notion of meaning coming into the world from people and of course the analogy with a cup of tea. The final line leaves a warm glow (^v^)

Cheerie,
F & (^v^)
jisbell00
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Fri Nov 03, 2023 4:16 am

Thank you, Ryder - Whitmanesque is a compliment I'll gladly take!

Thank you, Fliss - a cup of tea is always welcome! Glad you enjoyed the poem.

Oh - lines 2-5 were particular favorites of mine as well! Again we are in agreement. :)

CHeerie,
John
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Leaf
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Fri Nov 03, 2023 7:57 pm

Ooh yes, John, great minds! We do like 'the slow / light' and 'the unknown face', the mystery of it. Hooray for cups of tea, especially now it's generally darker (^v^)

Cheerie,
Fliss & Coo (^v^)
jisbell00
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Sat Nov 04, 2023 5:16 am

Woo-hoo, great minds and cups of tea! Thank you for the particularity of your remarks, Fliss and Coo, those were again bits I am fond of myself.

Cheerie,
John
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Leaf
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Sat Nov 04, 2023 8:57 pm

(^v^) -- Yeah!

We're about to make tea again soon, John, our last mug of the day before bed ( v ) (sleep mode)
jisbell00
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Sun Nov 05, 2023 5:08 am

That is a goodly quantity of tea!

Cheerie,
John
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