Wedding

[ray miller]

From Matrimonial Matters they purchased
two bridesmaids, authenticated virgins,

a four-poster bed carved with angelic figures,
the neighbours came out to watch it delivered.

A cherub’s wing was dislodged by the trees,
there was nudging and winking as on hands and knees

the soon-to-be weds searched for the missing appendage
and ironic applause when it was apprehended

in the teeth of their rare Tibetan Mastiff
who’d mistaken the wing for a brisket of beef.

A famous wit had ghostwrit the best man’s speech
which was Google translated for the family from Greece,

they’d a Take That tribute and Croatian DJ,
a silent disco where nephews and nieces could play,

a seven-tiered cake baked by a woman called Geoff
who’d come second in last season’s Masterchef.

There were barrels of beer, jeroboams of champers
and a wide screen TV to entertain glampers;

for the fisticuffs they erected a cage
where in-laws and outlaws could work off their rage;

an Escape Room for those overtired and yawning
which couldn’t be left until the next morning.

When the guests had dispersed in taxis and cars
the bride and groom boarded their rocket for Mars

which set all the neighbours debating the case:
can you or can you not do it in space?

[jisbell00]

Hi Ray,

It's witty, it's jaded, it's topical, it has a fine volley of off-rhymes holding it together. Nicely done!

Cherubim is the Hebrew plural of cherub, as you probably know already! But I thought I'd mention it.

Cheers,
John

[nash]

That was fun! Worth it for the 'figures/delivered' rhyme alone.

Are we missing a beat in the 'fisticuffs' line? And do we have a beat too many on the 'Ghostwrit' line (maybe lose 'had')?

I was struggling with the 'purchased/virgins' rhyme but... do I remember that you're from Brum? If that's right then I think it sort of makes sense.

[CalebPerry]

Just a few suggestions below, to make the poem more musical. I can't say I understand it all, but I like the way it sounds.

From Matrimonial Matters they purchased
two bridesmaids, authenticated virgins,

a four-poster bed carved with angelic figures,
the neighbours came out to watch it delivered.

A cherubim’s wing was dislodged by the trees,
there was nudging and winking as on hands and knees

the soon-to-be weds [?] searched for the missing appendage
and ironic applause when it was apprehended

in the teeth of their rare Tibetan Mastiff
who’d mistaken the wing for a brisket of beef.

A famous wit had ghostwrit the best man’s speech
which was Google translated by Google for the family from Greece,

they’d a Take That tribute and Croatian DJ,
a silent disco where nephews and nieces could play,

a seven-tiered cake baked by a woman called Geoff
who’d come second in last season’s Masterchef.

There were barrels of beer, jeroboams of champers
and a wide screen TV to entertain glampers;

for the fisticuffs they erected a cage
where in-laws and outlaws could work off their rage;

an Escape Room for those overtired and yawning
which couldn’t be left until the next morning.

When the guests had dispersed in their taxis and cars
the bride and groom boarded their rocket for Mars

which set all the neighbours debating the case:
can you or can you not can't you do it in space?

[Macavity]

Entertaining Ray, the rhymes were fun, more fun than watching the Bake Off or a MasterChef.

[ray miller]

Thanks all. John, don't ever assume that I know what I'm talking about - unless it's football.I thought a cherubim was a baby angel.
Other John, yes I'm from Brum so I'd say perchist, which rhymes near enough with virgins.
Caleb, you've not heard the phrase "soon-to-be-weds"? It's like newly-weds but more optimistic. And I favour Google translated, they've probably brainwashed me.

[ton321]

Hi ray

liked the way it went from half rhyme to full rhyme, as if the poem were an engine getting into gear

can you or can you not do it in space?

did you mean ---can you or can't you?

Enjoyed


Tony

[David]

Great stuff, Ray. Have you tried doing this one in performance? (You used to do that sometimes, I think.) I imagine it would go down a treat.

I did think the last line was - relatively speaking - a bit of a damp squib. Maybe there's something about it that I'm missing, but for me there's only one meaning here - I'd like it to have two (at least), so that a reasonable question (which you have here) opens out into something else (which you don't have here - unless, as I say, I'm missing it).

Cheers

David

[ray miller]

can you or can you not do it in space?

did you mean ---can you or can't you?

Thanks Tony. Same thing ennit?

[ray miller]

Thanks David. I see what you mean about the last line, but it is what it is, the neighbours are who they are. Some people have lately been urging me to go back to performing poetry, but I've got a longer memory than they have.