Spirit World

[jisbell00]

Spirit World


I danced the Ghost Dance, and became that hour
a being I am not. The blood that ran
in my veins spoke; the Zuñi ring I wore
freighted me back to where that blood began.

The concrete and the asphalt, I removed
like some thief in the night. The black soil, freed
from bondage, breathed again as I improved
America. It met a crying need.

I gave the New World back again to those
who lived here first. The rest of us can lease.
I gave Australia and Africa
to their soul-guardians both – river and sea.
In Europe, wonder came again to stream
and wood as empire ended, and the loam
slipped through my fingers: I could not pretend
to ownership. We do not own the ground.

The spirit world where life takes root
is not some pile of brick and stone.
A living thing, like flesh or fruit,
my temple was my blood and bone.

I stood upon Hell’s auction block
alone and naked and was burned.
I came through dirt to stand on rock.
What had I wrought? What had I learned?
 

[the stranger]

Hey John,

I have to say I do struggle a little with your dense imagery (no bad thing, struggle is good) and frequent output (perhaps not such a good thing) it's often hard to differentiate between your poems. It seems to be a theme here? People tend to write the same poem over and over again, just with a title change?

Sorry I couldn't be more positive. You are obviously a skilled writer. Perhaps try writing on a subject totally devoid of Gods and abstract imagery? On the other hand ignore me completely, that is also fine. But I have a sneaking suspicion that if you do, you may well get more comments?

Cheers
TS

[jisbell00]

Hi TS,

Well, I have 28 80-page MSS, two of them about God (or really madness). But I've been posting thsi complete MS. one poem at a time, hence the theme. I have to agree with you, posting less, or less about God, might get more comments. But since I feel it my duty to try to publish my first-person account of madness - nothing about us without us - that's a price I'll have to pay.

So: in all the loud talk these days about unheard voices, this particular unheard voice (about 10% of the population has a major mental illness) is routinely silenced. I call thsoe judges who reject this MS. bigots, and I'd be happy to defend that claim. The handicapped get a raw deal, it is known.

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

Interesting references to indigenous people and rites John and their relationship with the natural world. The 'auction block' was a resonant contrast. 'Ownership' does gather arrogance. fruit/root was a nice coupling.

[jisbell00]

Thanks Phil! Yes, shamanism seemed the way to go in trying to restore the world pre-empire, Europe included. Giving nature back its sway. The Ghost Dance you know was a Native American thing used in the last extremity. Who can own the ground? That's a stupid idea, all about the cash nexus. Soil doesn't work like that IMO. We can rent.

The auction block. Yes, that happened. Glad you liked the root/fruit rhyme!

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

I suppose your challenge John is how to engage an audience, specifically a publisher, with this MS. Obviously, you have had publishing success at Amethyst for religious poems, and Snakeskin appreciates formalism, and Ekphrasis is a further validation. How to achieve the publication leap for this MS? The challenge for me is not the 'madness', which is a topic that does interest me, but God. However, the mania was religious and so naturally that is the subject. In terms of selling such subject matter to a publisher? Given your skill set, I would suggest compacting to a sonnet sequence of thirty poems. I believe you could retain integrity of that experience in such a form and engage readers that appreciate such music. Of course, it would require some brutal editing given the wealth of material, but it maybe the door to achieve your ambition. Meanwhile I will continue to read your work and overcome my bigotry (concerning God)

[jisbell00]

Thanks Phil, that is very useful. I've not tried publishers directly yet, just contests. I've made some finals, but not lately, for whatever reason. I think you're right, 80 pages of God may be just too much for readers. I've been working onscreen for a while, what with travels, but maybe I need to print it out and excise radically, get it down to at least 60 pages, not 80.

Since you're pretty much my only commenter, and pretty systematically, I have to say how struck I am by your open-mindedness. I only hope I could manage the same for a bunch of polemical poems I didn't agree with! And yes, God's only there because I was crazy at the time, as you note, though it's left me with a window on magic.

Update: I've reduced the MS. by 10 pages. It's a start. Thanks Phil!

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

And the form John? I know you have a focus for tone, a register for restraint, but would the discipline of the sonnet form deliver a more impactful poem? A more engaging challenge? Declutter as it were, compact rather than fragment? Just some thoughts

[jisbell00]

AH well, yes, it likely would! But I'm older these days and see making thirty sonnets out of this disparate material as an overwhelming challenge. I've built the thing out of a mass of fragments.

OTOH, I did just cut 10 pages from the MS., thanks to your suggestion. Readers (and contest judges) should be a little less exhausted at the end. I'll try printing it soon and taking out at least another 10 pages. Interesting hwo relatively easy it was to remove ten pages, perhaps because thery've just gone elsewhere.

Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

Another place you might consider 'testing the waters'...

https://thehighwindowpress.com/submissions/

[Firebird]

Hi John,

I really enjoyed this. The imagery is great. The poem made me think of Bruce Chatwin’s ‘Songlines’.

Maybe you slip a little into cliche here: ‘like some thief in the night’.

A very interesting poem. I’ll think more about it.

Cheers,

Tristan

[the stranger]

Well, I have 28 80-page MSS, two of them about God (or really madness). But I've been posting this complete MS. one poem at a time, hence the theme

Ah! Fair enough, probably my failing then. I shall approach them again, with this in mind.

Cheers
TS

[jisbell00]

Hi Phil, Tristan, TS,

Phil, thanks for the link! I like the journal’s name and it looks interesting; I think I’ll give them a go.

Tristan, I’m chuffed to hear the imagery works for you! I find it hard putting mental experience (like psychosis) into concrete imagery, so it’s really good to hear the imagery came together for you on reading. I took a quick look at the Chatwin and the comparison is very flattering! That is indeed something of what I was going for, a plunge into another way of thinking. You are quite right about thief in the night, but in my defense, it’s a Bible quote – sicut fur in nocte – and the MS> is full of those. I’ll have a think about an alternative.

TS, that is kind of you! Yup, I do have lots of poetry, not all of it religious! I have for instance five MSS about art, and four I can think of about places. I hope my work rewards another visit!

Oh - I've culled another two pages (12 in all) and the thing has indeed become less turgid. I have therefore restored an old title which used to clash - Ice Cream and Talmud. It feels truer to the MS. now.

Cheers all,
John