Abandoned

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camus
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Sat May 11, 2024 12:01 am

he writes of forgotten things.
a raincoat left, sodden, on a bus seat.
A bike, well loved, one wheel
chained to an underpass
a birthday card to Daryl on death row,
unsent.
the wilting aspidistra in the
bay sash window
and now, he writes about you
on your childhood swing,
your sinewy tanned arms
and your thin white legs
working in tandem
dissimulating memories.
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
ton321
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Sun May 12, 2024 3:14 am

I like it but i don't know why i like it.

Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
Macavity
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Sun May 12, 2024 11:53 am

Like that word dissimulating, gives a licence to write whatever, which is a tempting freedom. The disconnect, or imbalance, between arms/legs also let me into the poem. Some sense of neglect, some spread of ups and downs (money to have a bike, in a place where acquisition is take what you can...the one wheel chained was a great image). death row makes me think of US, so I googled Daryl in that context. Took me away from the UK.
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Firebird
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Sun May 12, 2024 4:54 pm

The word ‘dissimulating‘ also gives the reader the freedom to open and link up the image.

Enjoyed this poem.

Cheers,

Tristan
ray miller
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Mon May 13, 2024 8:59 am

Very good. Kris. I'd prefer
a sodden raincoat, left on a bus seat.

and Death Row should be capitalised, if you really need it at all.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Travis
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Thu May 16, 2024 6:41 am

This reads like a bit of a lament, like if you were one of Karl Ove Knausgaard's childhood friends.

I like it, as I like much of what you write, Kris.

I hope you're doing well.
There's only one rule in street and bar fights: maximum violence, instantly. (Martin Amis, "Money")
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camus
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Fri May 17, 2024 8:17 pm

Thank yawl kindly.

T
I like it but i don't know why i like it.
That's cool and my default position on poems I like. I find it much easier reasoning why I dislike poems, which doesn't make for a good critter, only a disagreeable one!

Mac,

Yes, dissimulating was very handy in this instance.
death row makes me think of US
You are right of course, I was aiming to use disparate images/imagery but may have strayed too far...

Tristan

A second vote for the use of dissimulating thanks.

Ray,
I'd prefer a sodden raincoat, left on a bus seat.
That would enable a smoother read, but I prefer the stop. start. And yes Death Row needs attending to or extinguishing.

Travis,

Fine to hear from you old boy, hope all is well with you? I've had cancer! So that's something ticked off the Bucket list. All good now though.

Very recently I was looking into 'My Struggle' coincidentally it seemed to crop up like a word you've never heard before, but then appears constantly. I admit to being discouraged by the negative reviews (which is lame on my behalf) What is your opinion? Is it or the series worth a read?

Cheers
Kris
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
Travis
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Wed May 22, 2024 7:56 am

camus wrote:
Fri May 17, 2024 8:17 pm
Thank yawl kindly.

Fine to hear from you old boy, hope all is well with you? I've had cancer! So that's something ticked off the Bucket list. All good now though.

Very recently I was looking into 'My Struggle' coincidentally it seemed to crop up like a word you've never heard before, but then appears constantly. I admit to being discouraged by the negative reviews (which is lame on my behalf) What is your opinion? Is it or the series worth a read?
Shit, man. I'm glad you made it through. Truly. It's better to dodge it entirely, but next best thing, right?

My father died somewhat recently from cancer. They threw what they had at it, but he lost. I imagine they bought him a bit more time than if he had gotten sick, say, 20 years ago. If you're going to get cancer, better to get it "now" I suppose.

Knausgaard's My Struggle...
...is so fucking boring that your ears might start spontaneously flapping from time to time in an attempt to fly you away from whichever of the 6 books you're currently clutching. And yet, at the same time, the series is utterly captivating. Or at least I thought so.

How am I doing? Decent. Married. Kids. Three dogs. Not starving. Just waiting to be turned into a paperclip by a rogue, paperclip maximizing AI.

We live in novel and interesting times...
There's only one rule in street and bar fights: maximum violence, instantly. (Martin Amis, "Money")
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