Whispery Night

[ton321]

x

[Macavity]

Interesting angle on stasis and flow Tony, presence and transformation, the surreptitious nature in the whispers. I feel you have preserved and conveyed some of the experience.

[NotQuiteSure]

Hi Tony,
really like the end, water became rind, what happens if you start there?
(Bit baffled trying to follow line one into line two.)

Regards, Not

.

[ton321]

Not, mac

Thanks for the comments

Tony

[camus]

Some lovely lines there, and some perfunctory ones.

This to me would be almost perfect:

Whatever thought the water had, froze.
The nights dream was captured in time,
the canal had made up its mind-
water became ice, became rind.

Cheers
Kris

[ton321]

Good suggestion kris