Inquisitive
I want to know what he told you.
This is what made you ill.
Have you taken what the doctor gave you?
What? I don’t understand.
Tell me what happened.
---------
Just be honest and tell me what you think. This is a deviation from my normal style, but hey, it may work.
alex
Working title: Inquisitive
-
alex69williams
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 136
- Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2005 4:08 pm
- Location: London, UK - the gateway to anonymity
-
camus
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 5451
- Joined: Tue Jul 13, 2004 12:51 am
- antispam: no
- Location: Grimbia
- Contact:
MMMmmmmmmmmmmm,
Enigmatic, but says nothing ( maybe that was the point) To me there should be either a meaning in there somewhere, or if no reason perhaps a conclusion to the meaningless.
Definitely one to expand upon.
Kindest Regards
Kris
Enigmatic, but says nothing ( maybe that was the point) To me there should be either a meaning in there somewhere, or if no reason perhaps a conclusion to the meaningless.
Definitely one to expand upon.
Kindest Regards
Kris
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
prompting the ultimate inquiry: what does it mean?
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
-
alex69williams
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 136
- Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2005 4:08 pm
- Location: London, UK - the gateway to anonymity
What does it mean? Well there's a question.
What does it mean?............
The idea behind the poem is to convey the lack of communication, or rather the unwillingness to communicate problems (probably embarassing medical ones - they are, after all, the ones we feel least comfortable telling others about). That obviously doesn't come across, though, so I agree with Kris that it needs a conclusion. Will work on that.
Each line seems to have little to do with the previous one, but when viewed as a whole, it makes up a one-sided conversation - or at least questions that aren't being answered by the addressee - in order to convey this idea of embarassed restraint.
The title 'inquisitive' can be interpretted in different ways. It can take the literal meaning - eager for knowledge - or it could mean 'probing, nosy, prying', as if it's an unwelcome line of questions that annoy or anger (suggesting the questioner doesn't understand the situation, but has little tolerance for lack of response), which ties in with the idea of witholding information about the state of one's health.
Does this make sense? Or is it another case of 'ahhh, now I see it, but this poem needs to come with author's notes so I can understand what the hell he's talking about', like v1 of Sacrifice was?
Let me know,
alex
What does it mean?............
The idea behind the poem is to convey the lack of communication, or rather the unwillingness to communicate problems (probably embarassing medical ones - they are, after all, the ones we feel least comfortable telling others about). That obviously doesn't come across, though, so I agree with Kris that it needs a conclusion. Will work on that.
Each line seems to have little to do with the previous one, but when viewed as a whole, it makes up a one-sided conversation - or at least questions that aren't being answered by the addressee - in order to convey this idea of embarassed restraint.
The title 'inquisitive' can be interpretted in different ways. It can take the literal meaning - eager for knowledge - or it could mean 'probing, nosy, prying', as if it's an unwelcome line of questions that annoy or anger (suggesting the questioner doesn't understand the situation, but has little tolerance for lack of response), which ties in with the idea of witholding information about the state of one's health.
Does this make sense? Or is it another case of 'ahhh, now I see it, but this poem needs to come with author's notes so I can understand what the hell he's talking about', like v1 of Sacrifice was?
Let me know,
alex
-
camus
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 5451
- Joined: Tue Jul 13, 2004 12:51 am
- antispam: no
- Location: Grimbia
- Contact:
Alex,
"lack of communication" definitely did come across, so you acheived that goal. And your explanation highlights well your thought process.
I think, and I may be wrong.............no really........... the simplicity of the words do not light a spark in the reader, enough for them to delve into the meaning.
I do appreciate what your are trying to get across though.
"lack of communication" definitely did come across, so you acheived that goal. And your explanation highlights well your thought process.
I think, and I may be wrong.............no really........... the simplicity of the words do not light a spark in the reader, enough for them to delve into the meaning.
I do appreciate what your are trying to get across though.
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
-
alex69williams
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 136
- Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2005 4:08 pm
- Location: London, UK - the gateway to anonymity
What do you mean by 'light a spark'? 
How can the meaning be more accurately portrayed?
How can the meaning be more accurately portrayed?
Alex,
Why don't you try and add on to this poem to make it a tad longer? Maybe you could even give it a rise in anger... or as the poem goes on you could make the questions more and more personal. Also try to punch up the ending.
just my thoughts,
.tg.
Why don't you try and add on to this poem to make it a tad longer? Maybe you could even give it a rise in anger... or as the poem goes on you could make the questions more and more personal. Also try to punch up the ending.
just my thoughts,
.tg.
-
alex69williams
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 136
- Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2005 4:08 pm
- Location: London, UK - the gateway to anonymity
Can you read into it any more now?
Does the meaning come across?
TG, does it sound a bit angrier towards the end?
Let me know
cheers,
alex
-------------
Inquisitive
Well … What happened?
I want to know what he told you.
What’s making you ill?
Did the doctor give you anything?
Have you taken it?
Well?
Why won’t you speak to me?
What? I don’t understand.
What do you mean ‘I wouldn’t’?
Why won’t you tell me what happened?
Tell me what happened!
Does the meaning come across?
TG, does it sound a bit angrier towards the end?
Let me know
cheers,
alex
-------------
Inquisitive
Well … What happened?
I want to know what he told you.
What’s making you ill?
Did the doctor give you anything?
Have you taken it?
Well?
Why won’t you speak to me?
What? I don’t understand.
What do you mean ‘I wouldn’t’?
Why won’t you tell me what happened?
Tell me what happened!
-
alex69williams
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 136
- Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2005 4:08 pm
- Location: London, UK - the gateway to anonymity
Anyone at all care to take this poem apart?
alex
alex
sorry, it's just a list of questions to me
perhaps you could try putting some description of the frustration of not knowing, or the embarrassment of the person who doesn't want to tell
perhaps you could try putting some description of the frustration of not knowing, or the embarrassment of the person who doesn't want to tell