8

[Robert]

8

For seven days and one, he
crossed the rickety wooden
bridge leading to a forest.

Stopping at the edge of the
forest he placed a scarlet rose
in the bough of a fallen tree.

For seven days he made the
same journey, crossing the
rickety wooden bridge.

On each journey he replaced the
rose which had been taken.

On the eighth day he walked
half-way across the rickety
wooden bridge and stopped.

Grasping the rose tightly in
his hand he looked down
to the still water.

He watched as the scarlet
petals floated on the water.

As he turned and walked
away, trickles of blood fell
from his hand, staining the
rickety wooden bridge.



any help on this appreciated

[kozmikdave]

Shades of Bobby Gentry - Ode to Billie Joe.

You tease us with a tale in this poem, but leave it all to our imagination. That's cool! It seemed to finish too soon, although I wouldn't try padding it out unless you want to add more story clues.

It actually reads a bit like a riddle. It is very remote and emotionless. A little like one of those conundrums. I found myself reconstructing the scene precisely in my mind to see if my "theory" fit the passage.

You might have to wait for others more experienced to help you out with it, but I quite like it.

Cheers
Dave

[spencer_broughton]

I might be reading it wrong but I couldn't pick up any rhythm to it. To me it flows like a piece of prose just arranged in stanzas. I liked the imagery and mystique about it though. Nice one.

[Robert]

Thanks for the feedback so far. It's the first time I've written something as long as this and I obviously need to do more thinking and sculpting.

The title 8 represents both the primitive surreal shape of a female body and also the constant line that keeps recurring when you draw the figure 8 - hence the repeated journeys.

The rickety bridge is a metaphor for the shaky relationship.

In a nutshell. It's about someone taking something but never giving any feedback if she likes what she is being given. Or, a one way love.

Back to the slate and nail.

Thank You

[Jester]

I kept coming back to this, Robert, and couldn't figure it out (but I'm not good at that kind of stuff anyway). Now you've explained it makes sense. I'm not experienced enough at this type of work to offer any advice, so I'll leave that to the others.

Mick

[CRM]

I really liked it! I was left wanting more as such though. its as if it was missing something at the end.