Work in progress

[CRM]

Morning love song

For my wife

Early sun opens my eyes
Dawns torch shines on your beauty
Your eyes envelope my pounding heart as it
Dances to the beat of our love
Flowers burst into bloom around me

Your skin is silk upon my fingertips
Your smile the lantern within me,
Giving meaning to the days puzzle.
These moments are the most precious my dear
Us alone as one heart

Our locked souls speeding along
The infinite highway of time
Our time alone will soon be broken
As the children enter our room like
Storm winds through a window

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Its not finished yet. I am also very inexperienced having only ever written one other poem before. I am trying to get away from rhyming. If anyone would like to see the rhyming version of the above poem please let me know.

[spencer_broughton]

Aww, you're wife is a lucky lady. One thing I would definitely suggest is working on putting in more punctuation to get more of a rhythm.

[CRM]

Thanks for this spencer. I'm going to post the rhyming version anyway to see what people think..

here it is

--------------------------------------
Every morning when I awake
I see your eyes and my heart you take
The light of day unveils your face
Our gaze locked togeather in a warm embrace

Your skin like silk, a tender touch
Your welcoming smile I love so much
Lets lay here and dream all day my dear
For time is precious like a newborn tear

We dance as one to loves sweet tune
Our seconds alone will be over soon
A knock at the door and in they come
Eyes wide open at their dad and mum

Smiles aplenty as we face the new day
Happiness was always meant to be this way
Our eyes meet knowing that tomorrow will bring
A few moments alone where our love will again sing
-------------------------------------------------

I have tried writing this without rhyme and the result is the first post on this thread. I do however have another verse/stanza/strophe to write hence why it is currently unfinished. Hopefully my wife will like it.

C

[Robert]

Hi Craig, It was a nice read. I prefer the rhyme version - normally I don't like rhyme but it works. I'd change 'newborn tear' for 'melting tear'. Do you need 'again' in the final line?

Good.

Robert

[Jester]

Craig

I think if you're going to go to the trouble of making a love poem that rhymes, you might as well go the whole hog and make it a sonnet. It only needs two lines trimming. Go on - you know it makes sense . Take no notice of me - I'm just a sonnet freak.

If you have a look at some of the tips given in here, it might make the finished product even better - http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=31

Cheers.

Mick

[CRM]

Craig

I think if you're going to go to the trouble of making a love poem that rhymes, you might as well go the whole hog and make it a sonnet. It only needs two lines trimming. Go on - you know it makes sense . Take no notice of me - I'm just a sonnet freak.

If you have a look at some of the tips given in here, it might make the finished product even better - http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=31

Cheers.

Mick

Jester. Great idea and thanks for the PM although i cannot reply since it says admin has not enabled me to send PM's yet