DEPRESSION
whats its like to be desired
whats it like to be touched
why is it you and not me
please love a man who loves
do you know what its like to be lonley
and have no other voice but you own
in a head full of words that depress me
a place so dark i call home
DEPRESSION
-
angeltears
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2004 7:04 pm
Hi there
I really like this poem as it relates to me. I also suffer from depression .I think you should lengthen it maybe explaining in more detail what it is like to feel this way. As you ask the questions and are brief on what you feel your depression is like.
A good start tho carry on!!
I really like this poem as it relates to me. I also suffer from depression .I think you should lengthen it maybe explaining in more detail what it is like to feel this way. As you ask the questions and are brief on what you feel your depression is like.
A good start tho carry on!!
-
the stranger
- Prolific Poster
- Posts: 324
- Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2004 4:40 am
been there, got the teeshirt, we are not alone. I agree with angeltears, could do with expanding,
"and have no other voice but your own"
great line, vital point, you obviously know!
keep writing.
this is my version written around 8 years ago:
Depression
Like an encompassing black tidal wave
Rebelling against the universe
Denying the moon's perverse hold,
Pummelling your very soul, yet so confined,
A total eclipse of the mind.
So deep down your instincts drown,
Nothing more to act upon
No stage-by-stage construction of your personality
Depression is you and everything after.
No questions, they're too hard to answer
No love, for you cannot reciprocate
No social gatherings, for it's to hard to relate
To idol gossip and the latest state of things.
A tunnel vision tragedy
A pure Plathian parody,
A left behind yet imprisoned yesterday
A fate worse than fate and less understood
With a wink and a smile, a nudge and a nod,
You'll be ok.
"and have no other voice but your own"
great line, vital point, you obviously know!
keep writing.
this is my version written around 8 years ago:
Depression
Like an encompassing black tidal wave
Rebelling against the universe
Denying the moon's perverse hold,
Pummelling your very soul, yet so confined,
A total eclipse of the mind.
So deep down your instincts drown,
Nothing more to act upon
No stage-by-stage construction of your personality
Depression is you and everything after.
No questions, they're too hard to answer
No love, for you cannot reciprocate
No social gatherings, for it's to hard to relate
To idol gossip and the latest state of things.
A tunnel vision tragedy
A pure Plathian parody,
A left behind yet imprisoned yesterday
A fate worse than fate and less understood
With a wink and a smile, a nudge and a nod,
You'll be ok.
-
cameron
- Site Admin
- Posts: 2162
- Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:45 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Norfolk 'n' Good
When the dark descends (or as Hopkins said : we are 'Pitched past pitch of grief' ) there is nothing as therapeutic as writing poetry. However, we have to ask ourselves: 'Is the poetry we produce at these times something that we really want to share with the world?' And more importantly (as, after all, this is a serious poetry forum ) is the poem any good?
It is very difficult to comment on a poem that has been produced as a result of suffering. If we are critical, the poet may think we are being unsympathetic - which is not necessarily the case. Conversely, if we praise the poem because we have suffered similar problems ourselves - are we not giving the poet a false impression of its quality?
My approach is to try and concentrate on the poem, in an as objective a manner as possible.
I also tend to agree with T.S.Eliot that (good) poetry is usually an 'escape from personality' rather than an 'expression of it'. If you know what I mean?
Anyway, great to see some new contributors and some new debates beginning.
C
It is very difficult to comment on a poem that has been produced as a result of suffering. If we are critical, the poet may think we are being unsympathetic - which is not necessarily the case. Conversely, if we praise the poem because we have suffered similar problems ourselves - are we not giving the poet a false impression of its quality?
My approach is to try and concentrate on the poem, in an as objective a manner as possible.
I also tend to agree with T.S.Eliot that (good) poetry is usually an 'escape from personality' rather than an 'expression of it'. If you know what I mean?
Anyway, great to see some new contributors and some new debates beginning.
C
Thanks Cameron, i know what you mean when you say that you would feel reluctant to feedback on a poem that is personal to the writer, however i would not be posting my poems on this site if didn't want feedback(good or bad). Writing poems that are personal to yourself or perhaps tell a story are not such a bad thing. I would like to say that from your feedback you have made me realise that i could try and change the structure of my poetry, and maybe experiment a little more. Thanks for the feedback.