Ares

[Dreamburo]

Ares

No, my dear, I wish you wouldn't
call me like this. Oh, I do remember
that June night with you all lit up

at the sight of me, everyone knew,
going to bed one by one, until it was
just us. 'Dear lady,' you said,

'Are you in love?' Never been less so,
but that cool space of private thought
was not to be mine for long.

For soon, my friend, we were drinking
the nectar of self-restraint, wrapped
together; my shawl will go over anyone.

It took us out of time and space, to where
even the gods can be omnipotent,
the fact of fidelity an oddment to

clothe desire in; fragrant oil to pour on
the open fires of a country hotel one
long winter lunchtime. No, we really can't.

[Arcadian]

hi dreamwriter

I liked this a lot, there are many memorable lines

however your allusion to Ares is weak: I explain below; nevertheless a smooth engaging thoughtful narrative one is immersed in...

at the risk of boring forum readers, the quibble I have is the title: do you really think Ares would settle for a NO ? ( why the reference / )

deal making with the gods is usually difficult -- demeter's daughter saga ; persephone picking flowers by the hillside when Hades takes her, and only much later with the intervention with Zeus a deal was made with Demeter

so Ares as a title is puzzling -- by verisimilitude we cant know who the speaker/narrator is ? - aphrodite or a mere mortal woman ? and yet the intertextual layer provided suggests a digression; a reworking from the standard tale with perhaps a new insight.


arco

[Dreamburo]

Thanks for your appreciative comments.

Actually I think that's Hades you're thinking of.

Whether or not Ares settles for a no is beyond the scope of this poem, as the speaker is a feminine voice. The question really is, does Aphrodite ever say no? We know she does have an affair with Ares. But whether or not any 'action' takes place after the poem ends makes no difference to the logic of the poem's narrator, who may be the goddess of love herself, or may simply be a woman struggling in the goddess' grip.

Luisetta

[twoleftfeet]

Hi DW,

It took us out of time and space, to where
even the gods can be omnipotent
- I am struggling with this concept: I thought that taking what they
want is what Gods area ll about.
I find it hard to reconcile omnipotence with genteel British self-repression
but of course you might be saying that true Power is self-control....

I really like:
the fact of fidelity an oddment to
clothe desire in

Nice one
Geoff

[Dreamburo]

I find it hard to reconcile omnipotence with genteel British self-repression

Yup. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

Thanks - I like what you make of this

DB

[barrie]

Ares and Aphrodite were caught in the net of Haephestus and suffered humiliation - yet Hephaestus remains the fool.

Aphrodite can always have her annual purifying bathe in the sea off Paphos and begin all over again - Lucky lady.

I like the mood of this poem - considering the myth behind it, it's quite a contrast.

Good idea, good poem.

Barrie

[David]

I really like this, but I found the nectar of self-restraint a bit too wilfully oxymoronic. Or perhaps I mean that it cloaks a private reference whose meaning you haven't made clear to us (or, maybe, only me). And why should you?

Actually, I think there's an answer to that question, but explaining yourself is by no means obligatory.

I also found it hard to square even with the gods, in the context of omnipotence.

I like the last verse a lot. Overall, I'm picking up vibes of a fairly chaste but not to be repeated infidelity, but I'm probably way off.

Good one though.

David

[dedalus]

I like the willful way you toss and shake the language. Yes, indeed. Give it a good rattle and bang. Give it a kick for good measure. Who gives a toss whether some hypothetical god shagged or didn't shag some other hypo? Not me. Others, apparently. Keep them coming ...........!!

[Bombadil]

I'm not terribly familiar with the Myths anymore I'm afraid, still whether your allusions are correct or inflated or whatever does not my bother make...The piece is far too whimsical and wandering for me to enjoy. Not saying that those two things can't be enjoyed when used in moderation but here they are not so. Part of the confusion comes with your voices, or your voice. To me there really seems to be only one... I don't know, maybe it's just your style. Haven't read enough of your schtuff to make a determination as yet. I'd say, firm up the language a bit and separate your voices so you can make the conflict a touch more apparent.

Look forward to more.

Cheers,

A.S.