Rumors of Wars

[pseud]

An almost comatose pale frowning girl
sold a drug they can’t identify, and a body
in iron river face down they can’t identify.

A boy technically not an orphan with
deep cuts caused by what he can’t identify.
Another lap around the graveyard

a tall sharp stone that can’t be identified.
Another report of atrocities in hometowns
with a victim they can’t identify.

Another editorial on how no one will
save Darfur, for new yet old traditions
no one is willing to identify. Another

game of fetch, like the flag-bearer game,
another stick with elaborate fabric
so it can be identified among the bodies.

[barrie]

That's the name of the game - If they don't like it then it's not true, even when it is. If they can use it then it's true, even if it's a lie. If it's true and people know it's true then they mix it up with plenty disinformation and people begin to wonder why they ever thought it was true in the first place. The only thing they can't lie about in the Western world, is the number of deaths - (Damn the bloody Census!) - In wars and (avoidable) disasters they just keep damn quiet about them.

Everything has a political value these days - moral value is merely something to fall back on.

I liked it much better than your last poem - this is something that I can identify with.

cheers

Barrie

[David]

Very good stuff Caleb. Very effective repetition of they can't identify, and Another lap around the graveyard is a terrific phrase - both weary and angry.

And it bears repeated rereading. I know, I've been rereading it.

Cheers

David

[Minstrel]

Yes. I like poems with a repetetive line. Only when done properly, which I think this is.

Particularly poignant:

'A boy technically not an orphan with
deep cuts caused by what he can’t identify.'

Had two meanings, to me. An abused child (technically not an orphan) unable or unwilling to (identify) and a victim of war, (technically not an orphan) because seperated from untraceable parents and unable to (identify) the machines/ missiles or where they came from.

In first stanza too I took unidentified as a general statement of unfortunate truth.

Personally I can't see 'unidentified' as being used by anyone as a tool, political or otherwise, in this poem.

I can see it used as word that means 'we don't know', and suggest someone should try harder to know.

Tough subject well faced.

'Iron River'.....like that

[barrie]

I can see it used as word that means 'we don't know',

I can see it being used as word that means 'we don't want to know' ('unless we're pushed') - Maybe I'm too cynical - I'm still waiting for the Bush administration to 'want to know' about New Orleans.

[Minstrel]

I dunno Barry. I'm just a Tyldesley lad. Maybe I should keep at least one segged finger on the pulse of world politics, truth is I don't read papers, or watch television much. Got enough problems for one house here, then if I decided to look further afield I'd could find plenty to keep me angry with local politics. Then national politics. Then international politics. Then I'd have to rely on media to keep me informed.

I'll stick to plumbing, and writing odd poems.[/i]

[barrie]

You've still got Bigwiggin to make you angry - I lost that when I moved. Leaves a big hole to fill - like an opencast mine.

cheers

Barrie

[emuse]

Hi Caleb,

You are probably familiar with the ghazal, a beautiful form of poetry originating in the middle east where lines are broken into couplets and the last word of the ending couplet for each line would be repeated. It's a bit complicated and not easy to transfer into English but more Westerners are attempting it with good result. Robert Bly has a book out of ghazals which I believe are very effective. Hafiz in translation is also wonderful.

In the case of your poem of course the repetitive word would be "identify." Since you've already cleverly alluded to different ways in which the word can be used I could see this poem being further developed in this form.

I think this poem packs a whollop any way you go but wanted to offer that as a possibility.

Best,

E

[camus]

"Be careful of the details of the war.........arrrrrrrrrrrr"

Finest ending to a song I've ever heard!

Seems to me the details of the war in this poem are strangely accentuated:

comatose pale frowning girl
technically not an orphan
atrocities in hometowns

Sod it, the whole poem! I have a feeling the "repetition" didn't figure in your approach, but who knows till you answer!

Waddya doing delivering Pizzas till your Philosophy grades mark you a genius?....geees.

All seems very media relevant, but lacking in piano, write some crazy piano led shit, think Franny and Zoey, suits you sir!

"Be careful of the details of the war"

[cameron]

Nice one Caleb. Would like to feature this one. (In fact, I have.)

Cam

[dedalus]

Say who you are
(I'm a reporter, don't shoot me!)
Say what you are
(I am your wife, husband, boss, lover, friend)
You have no right to treat me this way.

The identity thing comes up in every stanza,
every single bloody one. Now why is that?

[pseud]

All I can say is Wow. Thanks everyone. Didn't expect this to receive the attention that it did.

It's an honor to be featured, that was also a surprise.

The repetition was partly accidental - it started as an attempt at a villanelle, then I just dropped the form and saw how the "cant be identified" fit much easier.

oh and emuse - actually haven't had a whole lot of practice with the ghazal, only heard about them recently.

Thanks again.

- Caleb