I straddle a beltway
& squeeze
till
she blues
under yellow light
& rises
pregnant
with my thoughts
dented
where my fists lay
shakes her necklace
of soda cans & bird wings
oil perfume
lifts
its hair
tickling
the ozone
I pillow
a city
hungry for rain
bed it deep in a valley
spread
the incubus wings of clouds
and sail her
through the mountains
stealing
rhythm from the hills
my thoughts glow orange
hedging the sky
the road legs around me
her name
written on the bay
Midnight, Moonlit Drive
Hello, hephaestes, and welcome to Poets’ Graves.
On to your poem. I don’t like ‘&’ -- I want the word. But you may get different opinions on that. Other than this, the poem is very good. Perfectly timed breaks that prove well that they don’t need punctuation. I appreciate this is no easy thing to do. The language is impassioned but not overdone.. using it to describe a moonlit drive makes for an unusual read. Terrific stuff.
Lia
On to your poem. I don’t like ‘&’ -- I want the word. But you may get different opinions on that. Other than this, the poem is very good. Perfectly timed breaks that prove well that they don’t need punctuation. I appreciate this is no easy thing to do. The language is impassioned but not overdone.. using it to describe a moonlit drive makes for an unusual read. Terrific stuff.
Lia
-
twoleftfeet
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 6761
- Joined: Wed Dec 07, 2005 4:02 pm
- Location: Standing by a short pier, looking for a long run-up
Hi Hephaestes,
A compelling read.
I enjoyed the sexual overtones and the quirky juxtaposition of
the softeness of a boudoir with urban tarmac and concrete.
The imagery of you acting as a giant or a godlike person is deftly handled.
Nice one
Geoff
A compelling read.
I enjoyed the sexual overtones and the quirky juxtaposition of
the softeness of a boudoir with urban tarmac and concrete.
The imagery of you acting as a giant or a godlike person is deftly handled.
Nice one
Geoff