The Solar System
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The Sun
Flaring furnace of
Helium and hydrogen
Around which we spin.
Mercury
Airless, waterless,
Pock-marked planet - sitting too
Close to the fire.
Venus
Sweltering under
Your thick clouds - four hundred and
Eighty degrees C.
Earth
Our watery place:
Mid way between freezing and
Evaporating.
Mars
Dusty, rusty-red
Planet - with dried-up rivers
And underground ice.
Jupiter
Largest of them all:
Trailing your sixteen moons and
Ring-shaped bands of dust.
Saturn
Really your rings
Are chunks of rock and ice, pulled
In by gravity.
Uranus
You have a metal
Heart wrapped in ice, and a cold
Blue-green atmosphere.
Neptune
Sea-blue but not sea:
A distant orbiting chunk:
Three rings and eight moons.
Pluto
Coldest and smallest
And furthest - out there, alone
With your single moon.
Flaring furnace of
Helium and hydrogen
Around which we spin.
Mercury
Airless, waterless,
Pock-marked planet - sitting too
Close to the fire.
Venus
Sweltering under
Your thick clouds - four hundred and
Eighty degrees C.
Earth
Our watery place:
Mid way between freezing and
Evaporating.
Mars
Dusty, rusty-red
Planet - with dried-up rivers
And underground ice.
Jupiter
Largest of them all:
Trailing your sixteen moons and
Ring-shaped bands of dust.
Saturn
Really your rings
Are chunks of rock and ice, pulled
In by gravity.
Uranus
You have a metal
Heart wrapped in ice, and a cold
Blue-green atmosphere.
Neptune
Sea-blue but not sea:
A distant orbiting chunk:
Three rings and eight moons.
Pluto
Coldest and smallest
And furthest - out there, alone
With your single moon.
Last edited by cameron on Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:32 pm, edited 6 times in total.
An educational haiku set! There's a first. Or is it?
Some really good ones, Cam - I like the impressionistic ones, especially Uranus and Neptune - but some feel as though they're just there to complete the set for now. How about polishing them up? (Saturn especially, I think.)
Great idea, worth a bit more work to my mind.
Years ago, I learnt a mnemonic for the planets of the Solar System (before poor old Pluto was discredited and chucked out of the club) - Most Volcanoes Erupt Mulberry Jam Sandwiches Under Normal Pressure. I'd like to say it's been invaluable but it really hasn't.
Cheers
David
Some really good ones, Cam - I like the impressionistic ones, especially Uranus and Neptune - but some feel as though they're just there to complete the set for now. How about polishing them up? (Saturn especially, I think.)
Great idea, worth a bit more work to my mind.
Years ago, I learnt a mnemonic for the planets of the Solar System (before poor old Pluto was discredited and chucked out of the club) - Most Volcanoes Erupt Mulberry Jam Sandwiches Under Normal Pressure. I'd like to say it's been invaluable but it really hasn't.
Cheers
David
- twoleftfeet
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Cam,
I agree with David. I like SUN and EARTH, but I don't think scientific/
educational information can work here.
I don't think even Shakespeare could have got away with
Can I compare thee to an RS232 interface?
As for UB313 - isn't that a Nazi submarine?
Maybe you can play safe and do a Holst - tackle the astrology?
Geoff
I agree with David. I like SUN and EARTH, but I don't think scientific/
educational information can work here.
I don't think even Shakespeare could have got away with
Can I compare thee to an RS232 interface?
As for UB313 - isn't that a Nazi submarine?
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
Maybe you can play safe and do a Holst - tackle the astrology?
Geoff
- camus
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A worthy set of Haikus, I liked the educational approach. Four hundred and Eighty degrees C - really, in 1610 ohhh - that type of thing.
Mercury being my favourite - sitting too Close to the fire.
nice one.
Mercury being my favourite - sitting too Close to the fire.
nice one.
Last edited by camus on Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hiya Cam.
Liked the characterization of the star and the planets. Also the haikus in stanzas which seemed to echo the isolation of each body.
One or two sticking points which can perhaps be resolved by mixing/ matching the educational/ observational a little more evenly.
Liked the Jupiter one a lot. Uranus too.
Nice one.
Liked the characterization of the star and the planets. Also the haikus in stanzas which seemed to echo the isolation of each body.
One or two sticking points which can perhaps be resolved by mixing/ matching the educational/ observational a little more evenly.
Liked the Jupiter one a lot. Uranus too.
Nice one.
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Did you miss a trick here?
Heavenly bodies
Shown as ripples on a pond
the solar system
an opportunity to view the whole?
Beautifully constructed haiku. I enjoyed the 'data-rich' verses.
og
Heavenly bodies
Shown as ripples on a pond
the solar system
an opportunity to view the whole?
Beautifully constructed haiku. I enjoyed the 'data-rich' verses.
og
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Thanks Kris,
I think science and poetry can make a good mix.
You know this sequence owes something to your "Monthly Haikus"!?
I've changed the Saturn one and ditched the UB40 one. I'm aware that Pluto has been struck off, but what the hell.
Thanks Minst and Og - glad you liked.
I'll probably have another go at "Mars" too.
Cheers
cam
I think science and poetry can make a good mix.
You know this sequence owes something to your "Monthly Haikus"!?
I've changed the Saturn one and ditched the UB40 one. I'm aware that Pluto has been struck off, but what the hell.
Thanks Minst and Og - glad you liked.
I'll probably have another go at "Mars" too.
Cheers
cam
- camus
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You know this sequence owes something to your "Monthly Haikus"!?
Indeed, although a debt to Keith is certainly required.
I do feel another coming on, not sure of the subject though, which is paramount really.
Maybe a haiku list of drugs and their effects? Or a list of musicians and their effects?
MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm.
Indeed, although a debt to Keith is certainly required.
I do feel another coming on, not sure of the subject though, which is paramount really.
Maybe a haiku list of drugs and their effects? Or a list of musicians and their effects?
MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm.
- twoleftfeet
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Why not combine them? "PEDDLARS and PEDALS"camus wrote: Maybe a haiku list of drugs and their effects? Or a list of musicians and their effects?
MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm.
Very very nice, Cam! Mercury and Earth were my favourites. As for Pluto, who really cares what the astronomers decided? They held a vote at their convention, apparently, after which they deplanetized it, deregulated it, expelled it, sent it down to the Second Division, booted it off the squad.
Similiar to Cam's response, which I have just read (not having read all the responses before opening my big mouth, for shame):
It is interesting, isn't it? Humans come up with a category, then put all things that fit the stipulations in that category. Pluto's non-planetness makes it no smaller, and no different in any way. But now I think of it differently. In 20 years will the haiku sequences include it?I'm aware that Pluto has been struck off, but what the hell.