Prague

[emuse]

Prague
Inspired by Joseph Stroud's Provenance

I want to tell you how I carried you
through the streets like an illuminated text,
the blue of you a satin ridge
beneath my fingers. How you walked with me
as I caught cobblestones in my camera, the click
of heels like hoofbeats in the silence.

Vltava River was green stasis, the slow motion
of our distance stretching itself away. And now,
trapped on the Charles Bridge among perfumed
tourists and urine, my body curls into itself,
nerves contracting fingers and toes as if death
has already begun. Sometimes the sky is so full

of itself, just before nightfall, blue wells up
in my eyes like rain on the copper domes. I deny
this strange and familiar city; smoke filling my lungs
in the bars and streets, drunks staggering
from neon clubs. Where am I among them?

And where aren't you? Light pours out
of you through the stained glass windows
of St. John’s, bruising the floor
with its brilliance. You are the gothic curve
of the nave, looking down at me;
a sinner for being unable to keep you.

I finally buried you at the cemetery of Vyshehrad,
somewhere between Dvorak and Smetana,
near the neat graves of poets and noblemen.
The church bells pealed and pealed.
Even the wind chimed.

[donjuaninhell]

a favorite line, for the great consonance of the hard c's which flow into the h's, as though the hoofbeats are sounding in the words of the poem:

. . . How you walked with me
as I caught cobblestones in my camera, the click
of heels like hoofbeats in the silence.

something that seems missing is a sense of time, how long it's been since the first stanza till her death: perhaps you (the persona) are an old man now, wondering about the changes in your life and what's left for you when your wife of 50 years dies, or are you young, and was this death caused by something besides natural old age, a murder, an illness, etc.

a good read though, with great diction: You are the gothic curve of the nave brings to mind a cathedral in old world france.

[Wabznasm]

E,

First of all, wonderful ending.

I'm having trouble criticising it to be honest.

Well, I suppose there are a few things:

the slow motion a little cliched?

my body curls into itself,
nerves contracting fingers and toes as if death
has already begun. Sometimes the sky is so full

of itself, just before nightfall, blue welling up
in my eyes like rain on the copper domes. I deny
this strange and familiar city; smoke filling my lungs
in the bars and streets, drunks staggering
from neon clubs. - two different tenses are used here and I found them, mixed, a bit awkward. First 'curls' (simple present); 'welling' (continuous present); 'deny' (simple); 'filling' (continuous). I;d rather see the sub-genres to be together. Could 'wells' change that fastidious concern?

smoke filling my lungs - this image feels unoriginal and a bit plain. Plus, and this is a personal thing, I really dislike anatomical stuff like that. Knowledge of the inside of the body just seems ridiculous to me.

Everything else is excellent, in particular the last two stanzas. At first I was confused by the addition of the you, but the first stanza alleviates that.

This is you (from what I've seen) at your best. I nominate this for a feature.

Dave

[cameron]

Seconded.

I thought this part was beautiful:

"Sometimes the sky is so full

of itself, just before nightfall, blue welling up
in my eyes like rain on the copper domes."

My only problem was the line:

"And where aren't you?"

It sounds a bit weird to me. Why not just go for " And where are you?" Rolls off the tongue much more sweetly.

Great stuff e.

Cam

[Kilravock]

It made me think that I was back in Prague. The poem is a little longer than it has to be, but it is a great read. I really liked you color reference at the beginning; are the colors symbolic? The poem has a certain Czech quality to it-authentic.

[camus]

E,

First thing I did was googly Joseph Stroud's Providence as I had no idea who or what you were inspired by?

Old google didn't really deliver, so I was left contemplating the connections.

Therefore imagination had to overide ignorance, diminish connections and just feel Prague.

Having never visited, I'm presuming you did an excellent job:

The colours, the sounds the evening ambience conjour many a European metropolis, but again I'm searching for where Prague and the "illuminated text" fit together.

I did enjoy the journey though, the questioning, "Where am I among them? " indeed, it's often overwhelming, and I think you captured that well.

Why you buried him? I'm not sure. Was this the end of your journey with Joseph Stroud's Providence, had you outgrown it? Was there a realisation?

Intriguing.

cheers
Kmus

[emuse]

Hello Don Juan,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for your insightful posts on my poem. Glad you appreciated the alliteration there....it just kinda clipped out of its own. I’ll think about that time sense. I’d be interested to know if anyone else had trouble with it. I’d hope to give it a sense of timelessness without entering years or dates. Appreciate your coming to this.

Hi Dave,

Your feedback is something I’ve come to rely on. I’ll change all the tenses to make them consistent. Thanks for that. I’ll take a look at the lungs issue. Maybe that could be a simile. Will think on it.

Lastly, this is you, at your best. What finer compliment then?

Cam,

Thanks for weighing in on this. On the “where aren’t you” line, it’s trying to show that the subject feels haunted by this person who abandoned her. She is on the streets and he is following everywhere, hence, “where aren’t you?” if that makes sense. I’m glad the poem worked for you overall.

Hi Kil,

Are you originally from Prague? The color references are not symbolic—just love color in poems though for synergism. High compliments on its authenticity. I thank you for that.

Kmus!

Yeah Providence is difficult to find It is a poem in a book of his that you would have no luck locating on the net unless you bought it. When a poet is influenced by the work of another, it is my understanding that they must acknowledge if a work in some significant way influenced the poem. If it takes heavily, one can say “after” and if it is more of an influence, it can be “inspired by” so I was just acknowledging the source of my influence out of respect for the poet.

Your questions got me to wondering whether I needed to change the title. It was simply the setting for the poem and a place where these reflections about a person once held sacred (as in the illuminated text line) was finally allowed to be metaphorically buried. I don’t have any expectations on the reader to get this, only whatever they take away from it. Mostly, I am glad that the poem asked questions of the reader. Your reading, a good one and helpful for seeing what is and is not revealed.

kind thanks all,

e

[David]

E, I know I'm often over-literal, but it's only fair to admit that opening with

I want to tell you how I carried you
through the streets like an illuminated text,
the blue of you a satin ridge
beneath my fingers

and ending with

I finally buried you at the cemetery of Vyshehrad,
somewhere between Dvorak and Smetana,
near the neat graves of poets and noblemen

made me think you were walking through the streets of Prague with a satinwood box containing the loved one's ashes. You see, I told you I was over-literal, but it's still a reading that is (I think!) possible. Does that bother you?

I share Kris's ignorance about Joseph Stroud.

As for Sometimes the sky is so full / of itself, just before nightfall, yes, lovely choice of words, but in British English to say something is "so full of itself" is to suggest that it is big-headed and immodest - is there supposed to be a suggestion of that?

I don't mean to be negative, but with your stuff we can start with what needs (or may need) fixing, as there's so much that's good already. Good poem, as has been said, and a very neat ending.

David

[emuse]

Hi David,

I'm open to that interpretation. I hoped the simile tip of "like an illuminated text" would be sufficient not to put a literal take on it but that's the gamble of any poem, what the reader discovers. I get much from your view of it and can see how this idea would carry forward as well.

Yeah Stroud. He's a wonderful American writer recently discovered by me. Here's a few links to help out if you are interested in discovering more. I love Stroud's work because of his depth of imagery and, because he travels so much and to the most exotic places his poems have a great sense of authenticity as well as keen observation on the subtlties of cultures woven into a poetic context. http://books.google.com/books?um=1&tab= ... h%20Stroud

When I first saw the illuminated text at the Getty Museum in Los Angeles, I began to think of the metaphor of the spirit of man as an illuminated text. If you look at some of these works from the middle ages you can imagine the time and detail and took to create these lustruous images, sometimes raised or engraved on the page with gold leaf and rich inks.

So there you have it D. Thank you for reading and comments as always.

e

[Kilravock]

I have traveled to Prauge many times.

[camus]

"I don’t have any expectations on the reader to get this, only whatever they take away from it."

I find that a refreshing approach.

We are often too concerned with the "rules" of poetry, restricting ourselves, unnerved by the critic's response.

Of course there are poetic guidelines that by the very nature of poetry should be adhered to, no doubt, the constant learning curve!

The objective I suppose, is to master all, then all be it subversively create your own rules, happy in the notion that whatever you write is perfect.

Difficult, to say the least, probably bollocks!

[beautifulloser]

Hey Emuse

I also do not know what Providence is, I gathered the illuminated text was Providence and you fell in love with it in prague?

This stanza was excellent I thought:

of itself, just before nightfall, blue welling up
in my eyes like rain on the copper domes. I deny
this strange and familiar city; smoke filling my lungs
in the bars and streets, drunks staggering
from neon clubs. Where am I among them?

Having just returned from Europe, so many, many different people of class, race and culture - overwhelming.

I could read this again and again at anytime.

Cheers

[emuse]

Of course there are poetic guidelines that by the very nature of poetry should be adhered to, no doubt, the constant learning curve!

The objective I suppose, is to master all, then all be it subversively create your own rules, happy in the notion that whatever you write is perfect.

That makes me think about what a famous poet in the U.S. said when asked about her writing process. She's in her 70's now, has won the Pulitzer Prize and is one of the most popular living poets in this country. She said the writing just comes. She doesn't have to think about how she's going to say what she wants, or about the particular technique of a line break or a phrase. She just writes. I supposed that comes at a high level of accomplishment where the editor is turned off and just the voice fully confident comes forth rising above the minutia. I think the best thing a writer can do is write. Even if not every poem or every 50th poem is a prize winner. It's like scales or sketches a form of practice and discipline. Like the way William Stafford says to get up every morning and just writes down whatever comes. He doesn't discourage anything. He just lets it flow. Eventually, something good happens, no?

Hi beautiful,

Where did you go in Europe? Yes all the different cultures are a feast for the senses. I don't know how to do these short trips with just a few days in a country. It seems almost grotesque to not be able to spend time in a culture and even to participate it in some way for a time in order to perceive and write about the experience. I always feel like a voyeur but I try to steal a few moments of authenticity somewhere! Thanks for the kind words about the poem.

If anyone wants to hear the bells of the cemetery that I refer to in the poem. Go here: http://picasaweb.google.com/emusingphot ... 3751765426

and if that doesn't work try this:

http://picasaweb.google.com/emusingphot ... MiniVideos

then click on top far right video.

e

[David]

Hey E, I have followed your Joseph Stroud link and, by clicking on the Below Cold Mountain image, I found the opening of "Provenance". That's your model, isn't it? It looks good.

[emuse]

Hey E, I have followed your Joseph Stroud link and, by clicking on the Below Cold Mountain image, I found the opening of "Provenance". That's your model, isn't it? It looks good.

Hi David,

Yes that's the one. It's a book worth having. Country of Light is even better, but Provenance was the spark for my poem. I knew when I saw the illuminated manuscript at the Getty I would use that one day as a metaphor. Then I came upon Provenance, Here, Stroud carries the grief of his father through the streets. It was a great jumping off point for me. His poem is a five page opus with philosophic reflections inspired by the art he communes with until he resolves that he hasn't in fact lost his father, because his father is always "with him." Kinda like Rumi's friend Shams. I think death is like that, the way everything reminds you of the loss until you've moved through the grief.

In the case of Prague, even the death was metaphorical and it was the subject's decision to "bury" the loss of a failed relationship and not look back. Of course for the reader, the death can be a real loss too. It is up to you.

e

[David]

E, "the Getty" - I like the look of that place, and would love to get there some day. Is it as good as it's supposed to be? (I'm assuming you mean the one in California?)

And do you have a link to the manuscript, by any chance?

David

[emuse]

Hi David,

Here's the link. I went there with a Sci-Fi poetry workshop (our second meeting). We roam the place of inspiration (the first place was the Griffith Park Observatory a planetareum and science hall), find jumping off points for poems and write them down on an index card. In this case it was the exhibit of Medieval Beasts. http://www.getty.edu/art/exhibitions/medieval_beasts/

I don't recall the specific beast I was looking at. A two headed woman perhaps. So I got the idea of writing a poem where the subject was an illuminated manuscript. This poem began that way but then morphed into its own thing. I'd still like to write a poem which stays completely with the metaphor of a person as an illuminated page.

Well the museum grounds of the Getty Center are spectacular. The travertine stone used for the construction creates this feeling of Roman splendor in a modern setting. There are water sources flowing like ancient aqueducts throughout the grounds. Inside the pavillions, the natural light source is stunning. It is controlled with high tech filtering devices that create just the right amount of light for the works. I think lighting is probably as important as the art it houses so they get high points for that. I can't say the collection is very exciting. First of all, Getty was not an art connoisieur, he was an oil mogul. He bought art for value not for aesthetic. By the time the museums came about most of the world's treasures were scarfed up by the major museums. Now Getty Villa is an exception. Inspired by Roman architecture and gardens it houses works of antiquity, mainly Greek and Roman sculptures and is an impressive collection. I think one would visit the Getty Center for its grounds and the VIlla for it's location and antiquities. It's sits on a bluff above the cliffs of Malibu Beach. A spectacular setting.

e

[beautifulloser]

Hi beautiful,

Where did you go in Europe? Yes all the different cultures are a feast for the senses. I don't know how to do these short trips with just a few days in a country. It seems almost grotesque to not be able to spend time in a culture and even to participate it in some way for a time in order to perceive and write about the experience. I always feel like a voyeur but I try to steal a few moments of authenticity somewhere! Thanks for the kind words about the poem.

e

Hi Emuse

Paris, Nice, Monte Carlo, Venice, Florence, Rome, Kafellonia and Athens. Could not agree with you more!

Florence is quite amazing though, have you ever been? Seeing the city from the hills, you can just see the settlement developing all those thousands of years ago, surrorunded by hills and the river running through it - I sat there and thought to myself "If I came over a hill and saw this landscape and the river I'd plot here too!". And then so remarkable how the renaissance was born out of here, how and why?, just a little twinkle of inspiration from literally no where and why in this City and that time? Very inspiring, and at the same time, saddening, as you know with the world getting smaller through the web etc that such little pools of original creativity might never come round again unless art sort of implodes on itself, if you get me?.

Anyway, off on tangents, thanks for the read again.

BL
x

[emuse]

BL that's some trip: Paris, Nice, Monte Carlo, Venice, Florence, Rome, Kafellonia and Athens. Of these I've only been to Paris.

Yes I can imagine coming over the hillside into Florence and setting roots and what better time than the Renaissance. I think we experience these pools of creativity but less on a cultural scale and more specific to time and place. The creative genius that came from artists in Paris during the late 1800's and early 1900's is certainly another sort of expansion. I believe that poetry is having a sort of renaissance on the internet. Our ability to reach and be reached has moved us far beyond our local theaters and concert halls, not to mention the amount of contacts made all over the world that result in creative interaction.

I find the mixed mediums happening today very exciting. Painters and poets working with dancers and photographers. Arts as interaction--blending, resurfacing.

Thanks for coming back and your thoughts.

e

[beautifulloser]

Hey Emuse

It was! I do too, as in find the explosion of "hyrbrid-ness" a real inspiration, but there are surely, with these derivations on derivations, mathematically speakng, perhaps only so many permutations?. Actually, I don't know, they'll be some journalist around to give it a pidgeon hole and claim it's wholly original I guess. Even punk, the so called "ground zero" had a derivative back with Led Zep and Sabbath (IMO).

Citing one example, good old Blues (leadbelly/mose allison style). One source inspired (rough list off the top of my head): Lonnie The Skiffler, The Quarry Men, The Beatles, The Who, The Stones who in turn inspred (lord knows how many) but I cannot see there ever being that original source coming from anywhere again, perhaps technological innovation as you say will prove me wrong, I too agree with the web has has helped hugely, but question is I guess is that art may be resurfacing but I am not sure if it is a birth of something new, or a birth of a hybrid. Either way, I do hope it makes for all art of every type springing forth filling our senses with something new.

Thanks for your thoughts Emuse.

Cheers

BL
x

[cameron]

Next feature. Congrats e.

Cam

[emuse]

WOW!!!! What a wonderful thing to read first of the day. Thank you SO much Cam and thank you David for the nom.

Cheers all!

e