Daydream

[Thomas]

I etch my name in the sand just a word nothing more
waiting for the salty sway to wash it away, Does the
tide ever tire? Dictaded by the night owls moon light
what if i was to pull the plug, Undo all i have done
cause the ocean scene to become unseen

What a flip from war headline news, Natures smarter
than people think, what was once a beast with no remorse
for who ever chose to ride its storm. Deepest bowls fully exposed
what a history lesson to behold centuries of ships and bones.
Answers are there for all to seek scientific explanations i have
no doubt.

I etched my name in the golden land and imagined what i could do.
Envisage perhaps a daydream just to distract the world for
one small day to break away from mundane headlines
today i dreamt and wondered what if, But then again
who has the power to make such things come true?.......

Thoughts as usual appreciated sometimes i wonder how i think of these attempts at poems....LOL..... Tom....

[Sean Kinsella]

TOM

I quite liked this, but I feel (on a 2nd and 3rd reading) some lines are stronger than others..

"waiting for the salty sway to wash it away.Does the
tide ever tire?"

shades of Fernhill?

" ...cause the ocean scene to become unseen"

and...

"...deepest bowls fully exposed
what a history lesson to behold, centuries of ships and bones.

needs a comma there to maintain the inherent pace.

The other issues you raise are pertinent enough for this type of poem, but I feel you can find better poetic expression for them.

Overall though a good read.

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

[Guest]

Thankyou Sean for your comments most appreciated....Tom..

[Greenman]

(I etch my name in the sand just a word nothing more
waiting for the salty sway to wash it away, Does the
tide ever tire? )

"I like these lines"

I do feel the poem is a little heavy in the middle. Apart from that I like the poem.

Greenman..